Everyone knows breaking up is hard to do, but no one talks about how hard it is letting a friend know you want to stay just friends.
Here are some signs your friend may want to be more than friends (I’ll assume a guy has a crush on a girl for this column, but the scenario is interchangeable):
* He is suddenly much more interested in any dates you go on.
* He seems a little more
“touchy feely.”
* He appears more concerned about what you’re doing, with whom you’re doing it and when and where you’re doing it.
* Worst of all, he becomes extremely annoying.
It sucks. All you want is your friend back to hang out with; you don’t want awkward feelings affecting the friendship. But can this actually happen after one becomes love-struck?
Unfortunately, you may be stuck between a rock and a hard place. The best way to save both your sanity and the heart of your friend may be to take a break from each other and let feelings cool down. Continuing to hang out won’t magically make him think of you as a friend again.
Not to mention, it isn’t helping your friend get over the crush. It’s like having a Mercedes you can never take out of your garage. You have it, but not quite; it’s torture.
So how do you tell your bosom buddy that the “bosom” is strictly a figure of speech? If you want to continue the friendship, let him down gently.
Of course, there are a number of reasons you don’t want a relationship with him. You may not be attracted to him, but that can probably go unsaid for politeness. Here are other reasons:
* You don’t want to ruin your friendship.
* You like dating other people.
* You’re not ready for anything right now, but want to stay friends (beware, this may cause
them to “hang on”).
* You care about that person deeply, but only as a friend, nothing more.
It really doesn’t look too hard to say. More importantly, it doesn’t look too difficult to understand if heard either, right?
Well, not only is love sometimes blind, but apparently hard of hearing and incoherent as well.
This is where things become a little difficult. If the nice approach doesn’t work initially, avoid contact with him for a while. Think about it; if you continue with the friendship, things keep building up and eventually a screaming match may occur (When I’m annoyed, I yell. Period.). Your admirer keeps crossing the line most certainly labeled “Do Not Cross.”
For example, the “talk” (about y’all’s non-existent relationship) comes up every other time you guys hang out or he makes it appear to his friends you are dating.
Advice to those crushing: don’t keep on “pushing it.” If it’s meant to be, it will come. Relax and enjoy your friendship. If that is too difficult to handle, take a break from her until it is. She will most likely understand. If she doesn’t, you might question why you had the crush in the first place.
The last thing you want to be is overbearing and annoying to someone you deeply care about. Look out-these characteristics can sneak up on you if you’re not in control of your emotions.
Someone once said the hardest thing to do is sit next to someone you love and not be able to hold her hand. What that person didn’t say is how hard it is for the other person to keep unassumingly inching her hand away. (I’m really not vicious.)
Overcoming a painful crush while maintaining a meaningful friendship is a difficult test, but totally attainable.