Q: In order to get intimate with my girlfriend I always need hard rock music to be playing. She’s getting pretty irritated by this. How do I overcome this weird obsession without having to listen to sappy love songs?
A: Needing music to get things started in the dark-or daylight-is no problem at all. However, the fact that you’re afraid your girlfriend may eventually leave you because of your obsession should be a real concern.
There are many sense triggers that can start your engine. Since screaming vocals, heavy guitars and banging drums are some of them it might be difficult to find something to fill that harmonious void.
Get creative. Why do you like this kind of music so much? What other hobbies are you interested in? Would it help to plaster a poster of your favorite rock band on your ceiling to aid you in those less exciting moments?
Your girlfriend may be the source of the problem. Have you tried being intimate with her while omitting the music? Or, if your girlfriend is absent and you don’t need the music to feel that spark, then you’ve found your problem.
Figure out what captivating moves you made on her during your initial sexual endeavors. Chances are she can go into a list of steamy details that will supply you with what you like to hear. Take the time to really get to know your girlfriend if you haven’t already. You’ve obviously explored some secretive and private areas of her life, so dig into her core emotionally. What are her quirky interests? Does she have any fantasies she’d like to play out in real life?
If you look into pleasing your girlfriend and making her happy, your music mania moments of joy may pass you by unnoticed. Discover ways to satisfy her wants and you’re sure to liberate yourself from needing. Do this not only to make your girlfriend happy but your neighbors as well.
It may be awkward, but you might have to sit her down and explain to her exactly what’s on your mind. Two minds-or two bodies-are better than one in figuring out how to get out of your jam. She’ll be happy to know you want to resolve your problem to improve your relationship.
If you’ve investigated your relationship and you still cannot get aroused without Metallica in the background, give it a rest. You may eventually become annoyed by your own obsession, change your attitude and find different routes of intimacy and enjoyment.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected].