It’s that time. For too long have I sat in silence, my fury building and blood pressure rising. Now is the time for a rant-a look at what is wrong with the world today. So in the spirit of Jerry Seinfield and his classic “What is the deal…” approach, I am going to tear down some establishments and point out some travesties that have been allowed to run amok.
For instance, what is the deal with remaking classics? Anyone seen the new “Alfie?” I thought not. However, it’s scary as heck when someone turns on the Jessica Simpson “Take My Breath Away” tune and thinks of it fondly. Do me a favor, you rejects. Watch a little film we like to call “Top Gun,” then listen to Berlin singing that same little diddy that Simpson rapes. That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t mess with the original because you’ll look like a fool.
I was in the car with some friends when the remake of “You Don’t Know How it Feels” came on the radio. Blasphemy! Tom Petty is the only one who should ever be allowed to sing that song. I didn’t bother to remember who sang the remake. Know why? ‘Cause they sucked.
Speaking of sucky things, what is the deal with people flipping up their collars? I know some brave souls on Thefacebook.com created a group dedicated to stopping this horrid practice. I’m hoping this can help further that cause.
Collar flippers everywhere, listen up. You look stupid with your popped-out shirt. We all know this. I’m just not afraid to say it anymore. If you feel that you can’t put on a collar without doing this atrocity, then buy T-shirts. Take notes, my fashion victim friends. Shirt goes on, collar goes down.
And coming in at the same level of atrocity, what is the deal with mass messages? I get notes on my facebook account from every Tom, Dick and Harriet advertising a room for rent or a late night kegger. Thanks for the information, but I never knew the art of making a flier was out of style.
My account online is reserved for friends’ birthdays and letters from long-lost acquaintances. Do you know how much time it takes to delete 38 messages from someone you’ve never met who wants to tell you about a new method to bring gas prices down?
And if you are someone who is intent on making Thefacebook.com an outlet for your need to send spam, then please restrict yourself from sending out mass mailings to the top 25 groups online. I’m in 23 of those. That’s 23 pointless ramblings I am forced to go through and delete, 23 seconds that I have to waste erasing your crap. You owe me that time back.
And what is the deal with wearing MSU apparel in a rainbow of colors? Maroon and white. That’s all you need. We are associated with those colors.
There is no pink uniform our basketball players wear. The football team doesn’t put on neon green pants for warming up on the field. I’ve yet to see our baseball team play a double header in coordinated purple and blue ensembles.
Know why? Cause we are the school of the Maroon and White. Take a clue from coach Croom. Those are the only colors that matter. Anyone who wants to wear those other colors, just know that we are collectively pointing at you and laughing in a mocking manner.
Finally, but most definitely, what is the deal with Jennifer Lopez? Last year you could have thrown one of her crappy CDs into a crowd and hit one of her fans. Now you couldn’t pay someone to admit to liking her vomit-inducing music.
Oh, I’m not fussing about that. I just wanted to point out that even in the midst of such heinous trends, there is some justice in this world. In the end, the good will rise to the top, and the crap will fall to the bottomless pit of has-been, washed-up, “I can’t believe I ever did that” fads and trends.
I’m just holding out until the rest of the public realizes this about Ashton Kutcher movies.
Dustin Barnes is a senior communication major. He can be reached at [email protected].