Life and death have always been interesting subjects for me to think about. The process of obtaining life, living it and then losing it is so mesmerizing that I find my brain hurting when I submerge my mind deeply into the topics. The ideas of these stages of life seem to change as one grows older.
It seems there must be an age, possibly the age in which one experiences the loss of childhood innocence, when pondering the subjects of life and death really start to mean something to a person. As a young child, the only time you think about death is when you are playing “cops and robbers” or “cowboys and Indians” and you are the unlucky one who gets shot. This thought of death doesn’t last for long as you jump up and reverse roles for the next round.
However, it isn’t much different with older people. There is no fear of death among many people these days. From drugs to drunk driving, people still seem to believe if they die, they will simply come back to life for the next round. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way.
It is crazy to think there has been a time on this earth when I did not exist. There have been many days when there was no such person as Jay Ballard, and there will be more days when there is no such person as Jay Ballard. I’m not the kind of person who is willing to rush into the latter observation.
The age that separates the childhood ideas of life and death also takes with it views of other aspects of life.
One simple example that comes to mind is the idea of a birthday. Everyone gets very excited about reaching the double digit ages, but that excitement slows every decade. Birthday parties were always such a big deal for me. The excitement of fun with friends, cake and ice cream and, of course, the presents filled the whole week or even month leading up to a birthday. Now, it’s just another day.
As most people would agree, Christmas is another time that changes with age. I love Christmas, but it will never be what it was in my younger days. The childhood anticipation leading up to Christmas morning is a feeling that comes from nothing else. The ideas of Santa, elves and reindeer created magic in our hearts and minds. Unfortunately, those are all feelings we will most likely never feel again.
My English Literature class is all about escaping the conservative “self” and accessing the deeper, more liberal “non-self.” This explains all of the changes in feelings with age. The childhood mind is a prime example of the non-self; it is a mind that has not yet been affected by the cruel truth that comes along with life. Once we become aware of this truth, life is not as light as it once was.
My professor for the same class spoke a few days ago about the tendency for humans to become extremely sad and even depressed when they lose things. Even though we know we will never get that something back and grieving for it is an utter waste of our time, we still dwell on what once was.
This is what happens when we reminisce about our childhood days. We become sad and begin to wish those days could return, as stated in that famous Stevie Wonder song. Luckily, there might be a chance to recover those memories.
As a child, you wake up on Christmas morning with joy bursting from your seams, ready to greet the day and discover what it has to offer. You wonder why your parents would rather sleep in than wake up at 5 a.m. to open all the presents Santa brought. But as you grow older and older, you start to share their ways more.
This past year, I began to worry about the future of Christmas for me as I seemed to take longer to get into the Christmas spirit. Then it hit me: that feeling was not gone forever because it was still alive in every child I saw during the holiday. Parents are the people who influence the excitement in the children, after all.
The innocence and happiness of childhood doesn’t have to disappear once a person becomes older. A person might lose the magic of experience, but he or she gains the magic of providing the experience to younger generations. The ideas of Christmas and birthdays can also represent those of life in general. Yes, we should live life carefree, like kids, but it is also important to take the adult perspective every now and then to assure we are making appropriate choices.
Jay Ballard is a freshman majoring in chemistry. He can be contacted at [email protected].