Currently looking for its fourth head coach in six years, it is obvious no one is good enough for Alabama. The Reflector staff would like to offer the following less-considered options.
NATHAN GREGORY- Shamu the Killer Whale-Shamu would be a great fit for the job. If any of his players had discipline problems, he could just eat them.
ALLISON SHACKLEFORD-Kenny “The Snake” Stabler-He played under Bear Bryant and led Bama to a national championship in 1965.
SARA MCADORY-Velociraptors-They can open doors and travel in packs, which will provide a ready-made contingent of coordinators.
AARON BURDETTE-Stephen Hawking-Plays will evolve to include wormholes and supernovas, plus the guy’s a firebrand. Pouring the water cooler on him may be detrimental, though.
TYLER STEWART-Donald Rumsfeld-Every team needs a good defense, and now that Rumsfeld is open to new career opportunities, he could be Bama’s best bet. Plus, nothing spells victory better than the war in Iraq. Let’s just hope the Tide can “stay the course.”
JED PRESSGROVE-Charles Dickens-His literature presented the social ills of the Victorian Period. That took guts.
C.J. LEMASTER-Michael Richards-Known for his witty satire and accepting behavior, Richards would be perfect to lead the Tide to a winning season. Just don’t heckle him, though.
JOEY HARVEY-Michael Vanderjagt-A former kicker for the Dallas Cowboys, he’ll be looking for a job soon anyway, and his and the Tide’s season went hand-in-hand.
R.J. MORGAN-Paul “Bear” Bryant-By digging up the corpse of the storied coach, Tide fans could take their nostalgia to the next logical end. Just prop him up on the goal post and let the chips fall where they may…