For the past couple months I have prided myself on being a pretty healthy eater-but currently I am experiencing a special, relatively unhealthy treat: Chipotle Ranch and Zesty Taco Doritos, simultaneously. Why? In celebration of a majestic weekend, of course! It could not have been any better, I think.
You might have seen me, actually. I was the crazy mad storm trooper running around Starkville on Thursday and Columbus and Starkville on Friday in celebration of a day called “Halloween.” But this article is about something much bigger, or should I say much more jumbo?
Yep, you guessed it. I’m writing about our brand-spanking-new high definition video board. Apparently, it is rivaled only by the one at the University of Texas in size.
Others even tell me the volume is only used at a maximum 15 percent, for if it were turned any higher, we would find it too deafening. Not to mention it is high definition.
Who couldn’t help but to notice the beauty of it on Saturday? Its effect on the crowd was precise and immediate. Their joy was obvious and completely warranted.
I witnessed fans become lunatics in order to make it on the screen as many times as possible. I saw others become completely possessed by some unnatural force as soon as they found themselves on the screen. It was absolutely breathtaking to watch the video board turn a normal fan watching the game into a crazy jumping howling animal as soon as it focused its attention on him or her.
Can you blame them? Who wouldn’t enjoy watching lifelike video of themselves on thousands of square feet of screen? You’d have to be crazy to say no to an opportunity as stunning as that. The possibilities are endless. In the future, maybe the university will even host movie nights at the stadium. Can you imagine that?
I can barely envision our fantastic and hopefully extensive future with the video board. It’s pretty big, so I think it’s safe to assume it’s here to stay. And if that’s the case, we should give it a name. But it’s not that simple.
You wouldn’t name the leader of your pack of killer bloodhounds Daisy, would you? That’s unless you were foolishly going for some ineffective nominal irony. That’s why it’s imperative that we come up with a grand name for our video board. Stressed out about whom you should help elect today? That’s the least of your problems, buddy; trust me. The name of this screen is much more important, as I will go into detail shortly.
The biggest video board among universities in Texas is called Godzillatron. What does that make you think about the University of Texas? I won’t tell you what I think, but do you see what I mean?
The video board is the face of our stadium that is the home to our football team, and since this is America, our football team is the face of our university. How can we have any hope of post-graduate success if the face of our university is named something utterly mundane, or even worse, something ugly? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my future employers thinking I graduated with a sub-par education. All of this can easily be avoided with a strenuous but well worthwhile naming process.
We can endeavor on several routes in order to find an appropriate name. We can name it as if he were a gentle giant, or how about a scary beast? I guess I am being a little sexist, or rather, biased, to be fair to myself. I guess a fierce, strong, intelligent woman’s name would be good, too. Maybe Xena? Or maybe Parks, after Rosa Parks?
How about Balzac, after the 19th century novelist and playwright, Honoré de Balzac, of course? I personally like the sound of Balzac and even the look of the letters. It sounds very intelligent but at the same time completely ridiculous, hyperbolized and even phonetically similar to something else completely unrelated.
Either way, let’s make our voices heard! Let’s find a name for our new HD video board!
Julio Cespedes is a junior majoring in biological engineering. He can be contacted at [email protected].