Have you ever been so uninterested in a sport that the only thing keeping you entertained is the different teams’ mascots, or is that just me?
A long time ago, in a house far far away, a 19-year-old Elena sat watching her third football game of the day, for the third weekend in a row, for a ridiculously high number of years, with her football-fanatic dad. One would think, that after multiple years of enduring this, I would have eventually started to enjoy watching football. Alas, the only thing I started to pay attention to was the team mascots. Since I have already dedicated a nauseating amount of time to judging these costumes, I thought why not dedicate a little more.
For the purposes of this article, I will be judging the mascots of the Southeastern Conference based on their costume, not the actual animals. This makes my job easier, since many schools technically have multiple mascots.
Some things to consider before you read this article: one, schools cannot be ranked if they have not actually decided on a mascot; two, uniqueness is not required to be on this list, but it might help; and three, this is based completely on my own opinions, not some strict criteria, so relax.
Albert and Alberta Gator — The University of Florida
The Florida Gators may not have the best team this year, but as someone who does not particularly care about football itself, I like to think Albert and Alberta make up for it. Not only is this mascot incredibly accurate — since everyone who has ever lived in or visited Florida knows about the obscene alligator population — it is also fairly unique. There is just something lovable about the couple. Plus, Albert featured in one of my favorite commercials with Steve Irwin for SportsCenter. Need I say more?
Smokey the Bluetick Coonhound — The University of Tennessee
The orange suit? I think that says enough. I love that this mascot has a different outfit, and yes, it is the main reason he is ranked this high. Smokey looks absolutely huggable, so this one is a win for me. Also, a Bluetick coonhound is an awfully specific dog breed for a mascot, but it definitely worked from an originality point of view.
Truman the Tiger — The University of Missouri
I am well aware that this is probably a controversial choice, especially considering that there are two other tiger mascots in the SEC. However, Truman is absolutely adorable, and he gets bonus points for being the only mascot named after a former president. I love that they embraced the cartoon-feel with this design. He reminds me of Sylvester from Looney Tunes and Pink Panther, which I adore.
Bully and Belle Bulldog — Mississippi State University
We all know they had to be on the list somewhere. Negative points for uniqueness – we do have another bulldog in the SEC, after all – bonus points for not being absolutely hideous. Sorry, University of Georgia. I used to have a little animatronic Bully that could talk and walk around, and it single-handedly distracted me from pitching a fit every Saturday when my Barbie marathons would be replaced with cowbells. Besides, Belle’s bows are too cute not to acknowledge.
Cocky the Gamecock — The University of South Carolina
Although not the most intimidating or athletic choice, I have to give South Carolina props for the entertainment factor of the proportions on this costume alone. Why does he have extremely large feet and tiny hands? Why does his lower body flare out like a cupcake? Who knows, but it is entertaining nonetheless. Also, note the way he struts along the sidelines. This mascot has an attitude and confidence.
I hope you enjoyed this ranking, and no, I will not be taking any criticism.
