It’s a proven scientific fact that if you leave something as it is for a period of time, someone will come along and try to “improve” it. Some say it’s general curiosity that leads to this behavior, others say it’s a flaw in human nature. Whatever it is, nothing is safe. Just as soon as you get accustomed to something, someone else will come along and mess with it.
The winds of change are blowing in. And I don’t like it.
It may seem strange to hear someone speak about change in this manner. After all, man’s ability to change, to adapt to new things makes us better, right? I can guarantee you whoever came up with that malarkey wasn’t in Berlin the day the wall went up, and they definitely weren’t driving around Malfunction Junction a few weeks ago.
But when we live in a society where change is encouraged, nay, expected of us, what’s a change-phobic to do? We are told that we need to change our appearances, our body images and even our outlooks on life. No one will ever be satisfied, I guess.
I am one of the biggest opponents of change, to the point that I don’t like to get back nickels and dimes when I pay for my fast food.
Whenever I hear the words, “We’re going to try things a little differently tonight, folks,” I shudder. The same things also happens when I watch the news and they start the segment off with, “Filling in for Diane…”
Maybe it’s a genetic thing, or something bigger such as a gender-specific disorder, but I cannot stand for changes to happen without knowing about them beforehand. In my opinion, change is the devil.
OK, to be honest not all change is bad. Changing a baby’s diaper or a patient’s bandages are always a plus in my book. And social changes have been good in the past. Anyone think the civil right’s movement and changes it incurred were bad? I didn’t think so.
So what we have here is a problem. On one hand we’re told that change is what we must strive for, and the other hand we say that we don’ t want things to change, we want to stay the same.
If there are arguments for both sides, and clearly there are, then what principle should we believe? Is change really inevitable, or can we dig our heels in and refuse to move along with the world?
Obviously there are some things that we have accepted. We aren’t mad about the weather changes, since we aren’t in control of that. We have learned to adapt to that which is beyond all human control.
And then it hit me. We only like certain changes, the ones where we have control. If we can be in power of what changes occur to us, then we are happy. If the choice lies with someone else, then look out Sally, things could get ugly. Anyone remember New Coke? Ha, that lasted all of five seconds before they realized that Coca-Cola Classic was all that we wanted.
For the most part, people hate change, and realizing I was the same way I thought that perhaps it would be best if I made a conscious effort to follow society’s suggestions and change. I shouldn’t be afraid of all change, I told myself. I should rejoice in the newness and differences to come with certain alterations to my life. And, like society says, I should make as many people think the same way.
Taking my new theory to the sidewalks of campus, I tested out my control theory. Walking up to one guy I looked him in the eye and suggested, “Hey man, how would you like to change your attitude?”
Apparently he didn’t want to change, which would make him one of those phobics. And if he ever thought about changing anything later it should be that language he used when he informed me that his attitude didn’t need change.
Shaken but not deterred I went to the next person I saw, and this time I used more charm. I approached the young lady and said, “Excuse me, how would you like to change your last name, sweet cheeks?”
Her eyes grew to the size of saucers, she grasped a can of mace in her left hand while her right hand slowly caressed the crucifix she wore around her neck. As she slowly backed away from me in my state of confusion, she uttered something about a psycho.
I can only assume she was mentioning me, which only proves my point that people are ridiculously afraid of change. Just because I suggested change didn’t make me a psycho. Some people just have no tolerance for difference.
And that also destroyed my theory that the fear of change is limited to one gender. Women can be just as scary about things not being the same.
Don’t believe me? Hang out with a woman when she just finds out the manufacturers stopped making her favorite brand of pantyhose. Hell hath no fury. Trust me.
So what did I learn? Well for one thing, asking people to change is just as bad as making them do it. They don’t really like it that much.
Also the fear of change is not limited solely to a gender or age group. It’s everywhere.
And most importantly, I realized that living in a place where the people are quite fond of making up their own minds, forcing change is never a good idea.
Walking back from my adventure I looked around and thought about all those poor stagnant people, stuck in their endless ruts and everyday routines. Sadly, they had failed to reach the epiphany I had reached earlier. I was a new man, one that welcomes change and new ideas.
But I swear on all that is sacred, if they don’t stop tampering with my Thursday night lineup on TV, I’m going to get a hernia from Hades.