Q: I dated girlfriend one (GF1) for almost two years. We broke up because she cheated on me. A week later I went all heroic and came to her rescue at a bar, but I had already started seeing another girl (just a friend, for real).
Things between GF1 and I got bad again, so I broke it off again. The other girl and I start getting more friendly. Things are pretty serious with GF2, but I’m not over GF1 and in fact have been sort of seeing her.
I still love GF1, but we’re broken up. GF2 is so ideal it doesn’t seem real, but she goes to a different school. There are also large sums of money and sex in the equation. I feel I could flip a coin and marry either of them.
A: I don’t think you could possibly be offended if I reaffirmed that you are, indeed, in great need of help. I’m referring to several levels of help that I’m not educated to offer.
I know you’re familiar with basic math terms, since you’ve made reference to both sums and equations. Let me try to restate your situation in math terms. You need to either subtract a woman, divide your total number of women by two or take the square root of your sum of women and round to the nearest number.
Trying to maintain relationships with two women at one time makes about as much sense as filling your gas tank and your truck bed with gasoline. Sooner than later, something’s going to explode, and you’re going to be dealing with some fierce heat.
Your situation is definitely a unique one. Any single guy (and perhaps some un-single guys) would probably look at your position with jealousy and disbelief. But you are actually experiencing this situation, with two girls on your hands, wishing somebody would make the decision for you. Just think, you have fellow males wandering around single to consider here.
You are off to a good start with the break from the first girlfriend. Forgiveness has its place when cheating is involved, but if she’s sleeping around two years into a relationship, you’ve got an animal on your hands. You came to a decision then. Now you need to keep it final. You may want to consider that GF1 could have put herself into a perilous position intentionally to get a reaction out of you. If she’s desperate enough to cheat on you, she’s desperate enough to scheme up something devious like that. Your gesture of chivalry in the bar is noteworthy, but has probably unnecessarily complicated the situation. You’ve put your feelings on display for GF1, which definitely won’t be encouraging either of you to move on.
Money and sex should not really be decision factors here. Besides the fact that if it’s her money you are referring to, don’t be expecting to get any of that stash. Anything that means less shopping money for her probably isn’t going to happen for you.
It doesn’t sound like the situation is as complicated nor is the decision as difficult as you’re making it out to be. You stated yourself that GF2 is ideal in unreal proportions, and you admitted that things had quickly gotten back on a bad track with GF1. Are you sure you still have feelings for GF1, the girl who cheated on you, and apparently still doesn’t have things quite right? Or are you too hesitant to move onto a newer, brighter frontier?
My advice is to stick with the new girlfriend. If she’s as great as you say, she’s worth a long distance relationship. In the meantime, make it clear to the ex that you and her are just friends. For real!