Q: My girlfriend likes being rough. She’s really into scratching me and slapping me whenever we start doing anything. I know she’s different, but is there something wrong with her, or should I just stay mum about her wild obsession?
A: How bad can this be? Unless this tiger just escaped from the zoo, many people would probably think you have something worth keeping. But that’s up to you. If you can’t handle her ways, maybe you need to find yourself an innocent kitten. There could be many good reasons why your girl is acting outrageous. But there could also be many unpleasant explanations for why she takes pleasure in freaking you out.
Is she acting like you neighbor’s panic-stricken cat? Or are you overanalyzing her moods whenever she just wants to play around? By the sound of it, she has had more variety in her past than you have. That, or she was born in the jungle.
You may believe that when she acts like this she is solely showing lust, and not love. But you may be wrong. Different people have different and sometimes unusual ways of showing their partners they love them. Did she date a guy who had similar tastes? She could just be carrying on a similar pattern thinking you like it just as much as the last guy. (Hopefully you already know this answer and don’t have to ask.)
There’s a possibility that you’re the first guy she has had strong feelings for. Perhaps she’s simply unaware of what a person does when he or she falls in love.
If you feel it’s necessary, let her know she doesn’t need to act dramatic when being with you. Ask her to use gentle touches and go easy on the ears next time you start kissing. But if she says she can keep it under control, let her do her thing. Maybe she can teach you a thing or two about not being shy when it comes to showing affection to your significant other.
Q: This guy in one of my classes is very attractive. Every time we have class together I see him glancing at me, but he looks away whenever I try to meet his gaze. Why hasn’t he ever said anything? If he never makes the first move, I will. So how do I go about asking him out without looking like I’m desperate?
A: You are desperate. You’re distracted, unfocused, excited and diverted from class every time you see him looking at you. Otherwise you’d be disgusted by his occasional glimpses. So take this horse by its reins and gallop your way to his desk to ask him out. There’s no need to wait for his flimsy ego to piece itself together just to say “hi” to you.
As for him not coming to you first-he’s a chicken. That, or beware, he’s one of those grotesque perverts.
When going to talk to him, stand tall and be courageous. So what if you feel like a fool by introducing yourself to him-you live only once, girl.
A good trick is to listen when the teacher calls his name for roll. Making conversation should be easier with his name under your belt. Plus he’ll be pleased you paid attention. Just don’t go too far and freak him out by searching for his full name on the MSU Web site.
If you’re shy, take small steps. Catch him after class and ask him if he understood anything the professor had to say that day. There are many things you could say, just get yourself in the front door by introducing yourself.
The first time you talk to him you’ll be able to analyze whether he’d be a good match for you or one of the countless guys you barely utter “hello” to in the middle of the bar because you’re-well-just too busy and happy hour ends in 20 minutes.
If you’re not shy, feel free to go a bit further, faster. Ask him for his number so you have it for later reference and class questions. If he seems more than happy to give you his digits, then score. Call him and ask him out. Do you feel like a guy yet?
But once you’ve done your part by initially breaking the ice then the ball is in his court. If he’s interested in you he’ll let you know.
Chances are he’s infatuated with your note-taking skills just as much as you adore his first-class forearms. So there’s no need to be hesitant about taking on this challenge. At least this ups your chance of having an exclusive study date with him. Hey, you’re simply being a good classmate by making sure he understands the curriculum.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected].