Q: These past couple months I have been quite confused because I have found myself desperately attracted to an older woman. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same. Most of my friends and family have told me to forget about her, but the thing is, I don’t want to. I think they discourage my interest because I’m a girl, too.
A: It seems like you are ultimately arguing with yourself about whether you should act on your attraction. Have you accepted your own sexual preferences? Are you wavering back and forth between having feelings for men and women? Make sure you’re ready to handle both the emotional aspects and society’s stigmas should you act on your magnetism toward her. You need to be sure of yourself before going after something about which you’re uncertain.
Is she the first woman you’ve ever been attracted to? Girls tend to find comfort in close girlfriends and other women who show them support when they can’t find a guy to turn to. This is not to say that guys are better, by any means. But in some cases, such as yours, the comfortable feeling you get with a woman may turn into admiration, admiration may turn into attraction and attraction may turn into emotional and/or sexual curiosity and feelings.
Maybe you just have a shy personality and find it easier to talk to women because you’re one, too. There is nothing wrong with that, unless you plan on talking to girls, and only girls, for the rest of what would be a downright unpleasant life. Ask yourself: Have you been hanging around a different crowd? And, if so, have they had an effect on how you’ve been feeling lately?
Sometimes it’s a deeper issue than that. Perhaps you hold onto childhood frustrations that you have yet to share with people you feel comfortable around. Are you far from home? Your family will depress the situation if they can’t see for themselves what you’re going through.
There’s a good chance you’re simply confused. It doesn’t sound like you are completely comfortable saying you are only attracted to women. Take some alone time and try to fade out the advice from your family and friends. They may know what they think is best for you, but sometimes what they want isn’t what you really need. You can always seek advice from someone who cares about you, but doesn’t have an opinion on which way you should decide to go.
In the end, whether you should pursue the older woman is completely up to you. If you don’t want to forget about her, then don’t. Just make sure you step back and weigh all of the options and emotional costs before letting this woman in on your secret.
Q: I recently went on a date with this really hot guy. We have so much in common and he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met. I only had one problem. When we went back to watch a movie at his place, he took off his shoes and his feet stunk up his entire living room. I don’t think he noticed, but I certainly did and almost lost the dinner he just bought me. I know it’s a petty concern, but this really bothers me. Should I give him another chance?
A: Unless you plan on wearing a clothespin on your beak for the duration of your dating episode, lose the dude. There are solutions to this dilemma, but stinky feet should never have to be dealt with, period.
Does this guy have a terminal sinus infection so he never has to tolerate his own stench? Maybe his foot odor has permanently embedded itself into the walls and carpet of his apartment and the poor guy doesn’t even notice it anymore.
Okay, to be fair to the guys out there, disgusting odors do sometimes waft from men’s feet, especially after workouts. But unless this guy hit the gym for a little last minute toning before your date, it’s a good chance this guy’s stench is an eternal curse.
The guy does deserve another chance, especially since he has so many other qualities. But with stinky feet, there are only two strikes and he’s out.
How long do you think the guy would stick around if you had utterly reeking feet? Like you, he too would probably go home and laugh it off with his buddies and call you by a horrifying “wet dog” nickname whenever they saw you out.
If you want to be the nice girl, tell him about his problem. But don’t feel awful if you decide not to inform him of why he probably isn’t able to get a girlfriend for longer than one date.
If you decide to stick around, then buy him some fruity insoles or some shoe spray to eliminate foot odor. And, if you decide to ditch the reeking one, buy him some fruity insoles or some shoe spray to eliminate foot odor. For all the future potential sniffers, help the next woman who is too nice to actually say something and too nice to leave him for such a petty concern.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected]