Q: My girlfriend and I broke up about three months ago. She still calls every week or two and invites me to her apartment to hang out and we always end up having sex. We both agree the act is strictly for pleasure, but I can tell she still has feelings for me. Should I continue having sex with her even though I know we’ll never get back together?
A: You have two options:
*Keep hooking up and get physical gratification. Someone will get hurt.
* Stop hooking up and get self-gratification. You may salvage a friendship.
The longer this charade goes on, the higher the chances are someone will get hurt. You need to seriously think about sitting down and discussing these spur-of-the-moment interactions between the two of you if you don’t want to hurt her.
By the sound of it, you know you and your ex will never get back together. Does she think it’s over for good, too? Again, the more she falls for you, the more difficult it’s going to be for you to get out of this situation.
You and your ex are probably having these spontaneous sack sessions because you’re comfortable with each other. It should be a breeze to get her to sit on the couch without her taking off her clothes.
You need to dive into this headfirst and talk to her about the problem-yes, believe it or not, the sex will become a problem. Have you both agreed that it’s OK to talk to other people? Is what you two have still considered exclusive? Until you both stop lusting for pleasure and start talking about potential pain, nothing’s going to get done.
On the other hand, don’t assume she still has feelings for you. Just because she makes you breakfast the next morning or gives you a massage before doing the deed does not mean she wants to get back together. Maybe she’s just trying to be nice.
Are you the one afraid of getting hurt? Are you the one getting played? She’s not arriving at your house unexpectedly-she’s the one giving you the booty calls.
Do you have a close friend who could possibly give you meaningful advice for what’s going on? Try a non-promiscuous pal.
Doing the right thing in this situation may be the more difficult route. However, it will not only save her self-respect but your pride as well.
It may be nice to have these amusing episodes whenever you please, but someday it will die off. So tell her you need to step away only because you want to prevent yourselves from getting hurt. If she’s open-minded she should be able to understand that it’s probably for the best.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected]