A close friend of mine recently became engaged. Her relationship with her fianc possesses all the same components of any typical relationship except one major thing-They never fight.
I wondered how such a relationship can exist until I saw them in action. The one thing that keeps these two on cloud nine is the amount of respect they have for one another.
Neither one whines if they don’t get their way. Their way of getting through everyday unavoidable trials and tribulations is by saying, “I want to do whatever makes you happy.”
Just before she met her future hubby she and I would compare stories of our demeaning, screaming fights with former boyfriends. I asked her if she could ever imagine her fianc yelling at her like that or vice versa and she said the thought was totally unfathomable. I realized that, unlike our past relationships, her relationship with her fianc possessed one thing-mutual respect.
Among other things, respect can keep you out of a whirlwind of drama. Say you and your sweetheart go to a party and everyone gets a little too hammered and decides to go skinny-dipping. You want to, but your sweetheart lets you know that he or she would be very upset if you partook in this drunken festivity. You think your sweetheart’s reasoning is dumb, but what is more important: your other’s feelings or a pool full of drunk, naked people (OK, don’t answer that one out loud)?
If you have serious enough feelings for your sweetheart, the question of whether to hop in the pool is already answered. Plus, your sweetheart could “reward” you for being so respectful to his or her wishes.
OK, what if your best friend’s brother supposedly saw your sweetheart with someone else? (Isn’t “he said, she said” great?) You have can handle this in the disrespectful way (flip out and burn their belongings), or be a little more respectful and confront your partner head on.
Part of being respectful is confronting someone with a rumor before acting on it. However, if you find out it’s true and you end your relationship, feel free to rant and rave however you deem necessary.
There are so many signs of dis respect, but here are a few in the relationship category:
* You or your sweetheart begins flirting with other people, in front of the other.
* There may be less hugs and kisses and lot more atti tude and name-calling.
* Simple favors that you and your sweetheart enjoyed doing for each other are annoying and an inconven- ience.
No one should have to wait to have respect in a relationship. If it doesn’t come naturally, recognize it, move on and no one gets hurt. Then you can begin looking for others who may not mind your snoring or outrageous sense of style.
A great relationship doesn’t consist of using each other to get you where you need to be. Rather, it’s being with someone who you respect and respects you in return.
Lauren will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected].