I received an e-mail recently that I’d like to share with all of you:
Dear (expletive deleted),
I’ve been reading that (expletive deleted) you write in the paper for a long time, and you are so (expletive deleted). Why don’t you just come out and tell people that you are some kind of (expletive deleted) namby-pamby liberal whose mind has opened to the point that your brain has fallen out.
Love,
Mom (just kidding, Mom)
About two days later I received this e-mail:
Dear (expletive deleted),
Your attempts to be funny only go to prove that you are some kind of (expletive deleted) closet fascist, neo-conservative who does a pretty good job of hiding his right-wing tendencies. Oh, and Mom says hi.
Love,
Sis (just kidding, Kiddo)
So now that the question has been brought up as to what my political leanings are, I suppose I’d better let everyone in on it. First off, let me say that I like conservatives. They have this radical idea that the government should not spend more than it makes. Plus, conservatives can be mean. And I like meanness to a point.
I also like liberals. They believe that the people should be protected from the Enrons and MCI WorldComs of the world, and not the other way around. They also tend not to try legislating their morality from the seat of government, which is like Bill Clinton speaking on the sanctity of marriage.
However, where I depart from both liberals and conservatives is in the core beliefs. Conservatives believe that, at some point, government was better than it is now and can be made so again. Liberals think that we are in a constant state of evolution and progress and that occasionally things block that evolution and progress but that ultimately, government can get better.
But liberals and conservatives share the same basic core belief that government can get better. They differ over what the definition of “better” is, but both share the belief that it can be achieved.
I am under no such delusion. We bought it the minute we started appointing chieftains to make our decisions and settle our controversies for us. My political leanings can best be summed up as “quasi-nihilistic.” Trying to make government better is like trying to make alcohol without fermenting anything.
Government can’t get “better” because it is inherently flawed. Our political system is inefficient, and we won’t make it “better,” because we don’t want it to be “better.” We want multi-million dollar pork-barrel projects to drain tax money. We want our senators to say titanically stupid things in front of television cameras. We want our presidents to get busted with their pants down around their ankles and their hands in the cookie jar. We want another election mess like we had in 2000. Heck, I pray for one every night. Why? Because it makes great comedy. And face it, we love to laugh at our government. And the ability to laugh at your government is the hallmark of a truly free society. Do you think anyone in Iraq laughs at Saddam Hussein?
No, because they’re afraid of him. Make a joke about Saddam, and he’ll smile, lean over to his adviser and say, “Kill him and his family, burn his house to the ground, gas his village and lace his province’s food supply with anthrax.” That’s the kind of guy he is.
Now, none of this is to suggest that I have altogether withdrawn from the political process. Despite the fact that I believe that government is inherently flawed, I still vote. Because if you don’t vote for the lesser of two evils, you could end up with the greater. And that’s nothing to laugh at.
Tony Odom is a graduate student in the history department.