Q: Last summer I was dating this guy who I eventually found out was cheating on me. After I confronted him we broke up, and I’ve not spoken to him since until last week. He called to see how I was doing, and even though I still am hurt by what he did I talked to him. I have spent the past few months hating this guy for what he put me through, but I am tired of putting that much energy into something. I want us to be on good terms and speak, but is it possible to be friends with the ex that cheated on you?
A: Ah the question of the ex…should you be the bigger person and let the past go? Or should you spare yourself the pain and continue denying what happened?
Taking the high road is never the easy choice, but ask yourself if you are willing to spend your life hating one person. Hate is a powerful emotion, requiring large amounts of energy. Instead of devoting your life to harboring such negative feelings toward your ex, try to forgive him and let those painful memories go.
It all comes down to karma. Letting the past affect you so negatively can’t be good. Some say positive feelings encourage a positive future. If you are willing to be friends with your ex, then that speaks volumes about your readiness to move on to a positive new beginning.
However, you have to remember that there will always be a breaking point. It’s vital to recognize the limits that will be in your new friendship with your ex. Don’t try for an immediate friendship, but instead take things slowly.
A simple question asking how your ex is will work. There’s no need to start asking if your ex has moved on and is dating someone new. Just stick to the questions that have answers you will be comfortable with. If you get the friendship to blossom, then it’s perfectly OK to become more open with your ex.
And always keep in mind that this is a friendship, not “Relationship Part 2.”
Being friends with an ex can happen, unfortunately not for all. But putting forth the effort is a step in the positive direction. After the few months you haven’t heard from your ex, you should have had enough time to grieve. Now it’s time to put away the regrets and stop listening to the ex songs on continuous play in your room. Go make a new friend, get on with your life and be proud of yourself for choosing the high road.
Dustin Barnes filled in this week for Dr. Feel. Barry Kirsch will resume answering your relationship questions next Tuesday. Send all questions for him to [email protected].