Chivalry, gallantry, valiance.
Those words are so weighty. Are they powerful by their denotations or by their sounds? Either way, they paint a picture or at least cause some sort of booming, sonorous orchestration to play in my head. Maybe that’s just me.
Those words represent a dying culture. The characteristics of some eras are eagerly dismissed, but if I could choose to resurrect some characteristics of generations long gone, I would choose those.
Chivalry, gallantry, valiance. Yes, all of those words mean essentially the same thing, but there could be worse ideas to reiterate, right? Gentlemanliness. Not as apt to trigger a mental image of a handsome man with long flowing hair, dressed in armor, sitting atop a horse with sword in hand, but it suffices as well.
At this day in time, not much raises an eyebrow and literally nothing is sacred.
In a world rampant with controversy, disrespect and immorality, it’s hard to think that simple gestures can win one any credibility, but they can.
I wish I could rewind to a time when patience was more valuable than instant gratification, a time when teenagers and adults alike weren’t pre-programmed to think that anything is game in a relationship. I can’t speak for all girls, but I know I can speak for some when I say that small, respectful gestures make big impressions.
There are still people who keep the seemingly ancient customs alive and those that appreciate them, but they are few and far between.
People say that you can tell how a man will treat a woman by the way he treats his mother, but that’s not the entire truth. You can tell how a man will treat a woman by the way he treats his family.
If he’s respectful and mature when discussing things with his mother and isn’t ashamed to tell her he loves her, it’s safe to assume he’ll be the same way with you. If he values what his father has to say and acknowledges the importance of the relationship he has with his father, it’s safe to assume he’ll value his children-spending time with them, teaching them and strengthening the bonds he has with them.
If he’s mindful and understanding of older siblings’ teachings and warnings, it’s safe to assume he’ll take your advice to heart. If he’s protective and proud of younger siblings, he’ll be supportive of you, and also be warm and watchful of his own children. If he takes his grandmother out to dinner on occasion, well, that goes without saying.
I say all this in reflection of the past few years of my life and things I’ve noticed while growing up. One thing I’ve noticed is that the old, and nearly forgotten, practice of treating women like beautiful beings who deserve concern, effort, thoughtfulness and respect is something I greatly wish was more visible in the world around me. I’ve admired it as an outsider to different relationships, I’ve experienced it myself and I’ve experienced the opposite.
In a way, it’s helpful to look back in time. A guy would bashfully ask a girl for a date. He’d drive to her house, dressed to the nines, with a flower in hand. He’d nervously converse with her father while she spent a few last anxious moments checking and rechecking her appearance in the mirror, wearing a demure, conservative dress. They’d leave the house, he’d open the car door, they’d go to the popular diner where he’d let her order first.
After that they’d go to the drive-in, hold hands if he could overcome his nervousness, watch the movie and exchange many beautifully awkward glances. As he dropped her off at her house they would kiss goodnight-a simple, innocent, graceful kiss.
He’d leave, thinking he had just been blessed to spend the evening in the company of a lovely young woman. She’d close the front door behind her, thinking how lucky she was to spend the evening with such an admirable guy.
I realize that is a very romanticized idea of love, resurrected more purely in movies than was actually ever realistic, and couples in the 1950s probably felt somewhat stifled and cheated.
I also don’t feel that women should be treated as pretty delicate objects, and I believe both girls and guys should demand equal respect of each other.
It’s not practical to feel that that particular world of dating will resurface, but it is something to be remembered and observed. If it were, perhaps relationships would hold more appreciation by both parts.
Chivalry, gallantry, valiance. Take away the casualness, pressure and expectation, add admiration, respect and some necessary formality, and the result would be a relationship that is rare and desirable.