Q. My fiancee and I are getting married next May when we both finish school. Everything is perfect except this tiny problem: my girlfriend is a shop-a-holic. Every time I go to her apartment, she has new clothes all over her floor that I have never seen before. Every time we go somewhere, she always has to buy something.
I am scared that her spending habits will become a major issue after next May. What can I do to ensure that we will have money to pay our bills when we are married?
A. This issue is definitely one that could possibly come between you two if you do not do something about it now. Talk to her about her spending habits now, before it is too late.
The first step is to find out why she enjoys spending money so much. She may spend money on new clothes because clothes boost her self-confidence. A new cute shirt may be her ticket to happiness. Give her compliments every now and then. Tell her that she looks fine in the clothes that she already owns, and that she doesn’t need new clothes to make her beautiful.
I would also advise you to spend a lot more time with her. Think of this as an equation. Spending more time with her equals less time for her to shop. While you’re with her, stay clear of any stores. Show her that you can still have fun without spending any money.
Sit down with her and calmly talk to her about your concerns of your future together. Tell her that you are worried that her spending habits may result in bumps in the road of marriage. Teach her the importance of saving money. Maybe you should suggest that she open a savings account. Make some kind of bet or deal with her that she won’t touch the money in the savings account until she needs it for important reasons other than shopping. When something unexpected happens, like her car breaking down, she will be glad she has that money for car repairs.
Until she is more responsible with her money, explain to her that it is wise for you to handle the finances instead of her handling them. Help her make a budget. The budget should include bills, of course. Make sure that she does have a little money set aside in her budget so she gets to shop every now and then.
When you two finally get married, get a joint account so that you two can pay the bills. Allow her to keep her savings account, so that she can have a little shopping money, but the joint account should be for household necessities only. Hopefully, the idea of having two separate bank accounts will keep you both happy and save a marriage from resulting in divorce.
Michelle Clark is a senior in elementary education. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].