Q: Dr. Feel, there is a girl I cannot get out of my mind. I have talked with her on occasion, so she knows I exist, but she is probably clueless to how much I’m attracted to her. I don’t even know why she keeps popping up in my mind, as I really do not know that much about her. I really don’t think I should tell her my feelings, especially because she is a psychology major, and I don’t want her to think I have mental issues. I see a big risk of getting labeled a psycho or stalker. What can I do?
A: I don’t think psychosis would be an inaccurate diagnosis at this point. I’ve always held the position that the primary weapon of choice of the females is infiltration of the male mind, and I expect a girl studying psychology would be even more adept at this. While you could potentially be dealing with a professional mastermind, you are wise to still allow for the possibility that this girl may be unaware that you are smitten with her.
She may have reason to think you are a psycho, but unless you are omitting a confession of shadowing her, she can’t call you a stalker, yet.
Your goal is to get as close to that “stalker” status as possible, without crossing the line. Being aware of her class schedule doesn’t make you a stalker. Neither would conveniently placing yourself in locations where you might bump into her. Of course, I am referring to public locations, as you do not, under any circumstances, want her to feel threatened. If you are overly ambitious about this, the girl may get a restraining order. If that happens, I can assure you that your affections will end up for nothing, and you will pine away from a distance that she will specify in court.
It wouldn’t be a bad idea to identify any common friends you have with this girl. There may be opportunities to get better acquainted in group settings. Those opportunities may enable you to decide that she is not the girl for you without having to clue her in on your interest in her. Letting her friends in on your feelings is an “at your own risk” action, so be as subtle as possible when sucking up to her friends.
Also consider that she may have noticed body language from you suggesting your interest. Guys are less observant than girls about body language from the opposite sex. That really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, since girls don’t have to resist distractions like tight skirts, short skirts and glossy lips. Besides, you emphasized that she is studying psychology, so understanding human behavior is her specialty. She may be aware of your situation and be waiting for you to make the first approach.
But as you said, she probably doesn’t know what you’re going through. Either way, it looks like you’re gonna have to be the big boy and step up to the plate. Keep in mind that if you start gushing about how you can’t stop thinking about her, that she will likely end up consulting her textbooks for info on how to deal with you.
Start slow, and keep it casual, as if you have only recently developed a moderate interest in her. No late night drives by the house, no collecting strands of her hair and no burning incense in front of her framed picture.
Barry Kirsch is a senior chemical engineer major. He can receive your relationship questions at [email protected].