Q: What do you think is the worst thing an ex can do? I thought I knew until last week when he called me to tell me that he never loved me … ever. Since we broke up he has been known to have a few drinks and then call me, but this was probably the most hurtful thing he has done to me. I don’t even know if he was drunk when he dropped the bomb, either. What should I do with his phone calls, and why do I care how he feels anymore?
A: It sounds like your former man is dealing with some guilt, and is venting off some frustration in a very low-class way. The “I love you’s” he expressed to you are probably ringing in his head, and he recognizes the inconsistency of things he said in the past with his actions that ultimately led up to the breakup.
It is not uncommon for both guys and girls to be retrospective about terminated relationships, and come to the conclusion that they said things they didn’t really mean. That could be what happened in this case. It’s not comforting, but if he’s calling you just to confirm that he didn’t mean it, then he’s right-he probably didn’t mean it.
Another possible motive for that phone call he made is that he is trying to disassociate himself from you. There may be another girl involved, and he may be looking to get himself some space from his ex, so the new girl won’t think he’s carrying baggage.
Whatever his inexcusable reasons, it’s time to let him go his separate way, especially if he’s been routinely calling you while drunk. Answering the phone only fuels further phone calls, as it will only make him think you’re desperate enough to talk to him. Utilize that invention of our generation known as caller ID, and don’t answer. Sending him the clear signal that you are through with him should get him out of your hair and give you the opportunity to pursue another guy. If his calls continue, I would recommend filing a complaint or restraining order with the police department.
The fact that you’ve been enduring his harassment indicates that you need to get him as far from your mind as possible, and get out with some friends. Your ex isn’t worthy to chat with you on the phone, so identify some people who are. Current friends may tend to be sympathetic to an annoying degree, but let them encourage you if that’s their motive. Try to avoid the topic of your ex. Even better, try hanging out at some social venues, and meet some new faces. Above all, avoid being bitter and whiny, which will keep new guys at bay.
Barry Kirsch is a senior chemical engineer major. He can receive your relationship questions at [email protected].