It’s that time of year again. Boyfriends, you know what to get. Red roses, a heart-shaped box of chocolates, jewelry or a teddy bear.
Why? Because that’s what you do. Valentine’s Day is a giant commercial clich, a hackneyed holiday of red and pink. As Jim Carrey so crassly put it in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” it’s “a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.”
Maybe this is somewhat of a stretch, but what was Valentine’s Day originally intended to be if this is what it has become? The actual history of Valentine’s Day, and its patron saint, is actually shrouded in mystery.
One legend states that Valentine was a priest who performed secret marriages for young lovers after Emperor Claudius II decided that single young men made better soldiers, and consequently outlawed marriage. When he was discovered, Claudius had Valentine put to death.
Another legend states Valentine sent the first “valentine” himself. After being imprisoned, it is said that he fell in love with the jailor’s daughter. Before he was executed, he supposedly wrote her a letter and signed it “From your Valentine.”
The mysteries of Valentine are rooted in both Christian and ancient Roman pagan tradition. Regardless of the specifics, Valentine is portrayed as a brave and romantic figure, sympathetic to young lovers.
The date, Feb. 14, is a mystery also. Some speculate this commemorates the date of Valentine’s death, estimated around A.D. 270. Others suggest the Christian church decided to celebrate St. Valentine’s Day on this date in an attempt to christianize Lupercalia, the pagan celebration marking the beginning of spring, which was celebrated beginning Feb. 15.
During Lupercalia, the names of all of Rome’s eligible single women were placed in an urn from which all of the city’s bachelors drew a name. The woman’s name he drew was his partner for the following year. This lottery system was later declared illegal, and in 498 A.D. Pope Gelasius declared Feb. 14 St. Valentine’s Day.
According to the History Channel, valentine cards were printed and exchanged, beginning in the 1800s, as an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged. Times have changed, though, and not only can we express our feelings toward those we love, but we should, and not in a generic way.
Examining this history it is clear that Valentine’s Day was established with genuine intentions, but it has lost that genuine quality over the past 1500 years.
Do chocolates, flowers and jewelry really say “I love you”?
No, but over the years that is what they have come to represent. We’ve been conditioned to view love in these terms. Love has become such a generic term that it seems to have lost its sincerity.
Greeting card companies have smothered the idea of love. Love is unique and different for every two people who experience it, right? Well, when you’re browsing for the perfect Valentine’s Day card for your sweetheart and find the perfect card that says just what you feel, keep in mind thousands of other people will be saying just what you feel to their sweethearts, too.
Before I go on, let me clarify that I am not out to bash Valentine’s Day. I had my share of that in 11th grade when some bitter girlfriends and I celebrated “Anti-Valentine’s Day” by wearing black and complaining about guys. I don’t hate Valentine’s Day anymore, but I do have some suggestions for both singles and couples on how to bring the holiday back to its original meaning and significance-in a light-hearted way.
If you’re single, get together with some single friends and embrace the holiday in all its sugary glory. Find the most ridiculous gift you can and play a Valentine’s Day version of Dirty Santa. Eat Ben and Jerry’s and watch “High Fidelity,” so you can empathize with John Cusack’s love troubles and still find yourself sighing at its hopeful conclusion. Get dressed to the nines and go out for an expensive dinner. Burn pictures of your exes.
Just kidding, of course.
And if you have a significant other?
To start, rather than buy a card with wispy, saccharine poem on it, write your own. If it’s not Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 18,” it doesn’t matter. Write a song. Or if you’re too shy to serenade, simply write a note, straight from the heart. It will mean infinitely more to your significant other than a poem that someone else wrote for millions of people to associate with.
As far as gift-giving is concerned, I believe the sillier presents are, the better. What constitutes a silly Valentine’s gift? Drug stores like Walgreen’s are gold mines for tacky treasures: three-foot long plush roses, pink stuffed frogs that lock lips and a plush gorilla wearing boxing gloves with a towel around his neck that says “You’re a Knock-out!”.
Perhaps a corny mix CD would be appropriate. Go ultra-generic with cheesy songs like “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago, “You are so Beautiful” by Joe Cocker, and maybe a couple of the ones you love deep down, despite how played-out they are, like “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton.
These gifts are the way to go, because to me, you can’t have love without lots of laughter.
Or, if you’re feeling especially adventurous, I saw a commercial for “Lobster-Gram: The Perfect Valentine’s Gift.” That’s right. Nothing says “I love you” like getting a live lobster delivered straight to your door.
As for Valentine’s Day activities, candlelit dinners and chick flicks (“The Notebook” just came out on DVD, girls), aren’t the only way to go, though they are nice sometimes. Get creative. Go on a picnic in a park. See a play. Go to the zoo. Recreate your first date. Go dancing.
Rather than going out to a fancy restaurant (which will probably be packed anyway because of the holiday), why not cook dinner together? This is my boyfriend’s and my plan. As he said, “Kitchen disasters are fun.” So, if you can’t cook, don’t worry. Just have fun with it.
Whether you view it with hatred or excitement, my advice is simply this: Don’t take Valentine’s Day too seriously. If you don’t have a significant other, it’s no big deal. Don’t let a sappy, over-commercialized holiday make you feel lonely. Poke fun at it instead, and don’t give Hallmark the pleasure of letting their plethora of “Please be mine, Valentine!” cards get to you.
If you do have a significant other, don’t treat this holiday as the one day all year to show each other how much you care. The gifts aren’t the important thing, whether it be red roses or a stuffed gorilla. Sentimental cards that bring a tear to your eye aren’t the important thing either.
Just like giving thanks shouldn’t only be done on Thanksgiving, celebrating love is something that should be done every day, because, to borrow a quote from “Moulin Rouge,” “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
And if you decide to tackle a romantic Valentine’s dinner this year, best of luck. I mean, it can’t be that hard to boil a lobster.
Erin Clyburn is a sophomore English major. She can be reached at [email protected].