Wait, you’re still here?
I thought the plan was for everyone to skip all their classes Friday and start their spring break a day early. No?
Well, that’s cool with me. For what you’re paying to take those classes, I wouldn’t skip either. To anyone who’s still undecided, I’d strongly encourage you not to start your break yesterday.
There are a couple of reasons for that. On top of getting your money’s worth from your classes, you also get to read this article. And let me assure you, this article alone will be worth every cent you paid for this copy of The Reflector. (Unless this is your second copy, which means, of course, that you paid 25 cents for it, as per the instructions on the bottom of the front page.)
Anyway, to help take your mind off how much more fun your friends are having than you right now, I’m going to give you some basic travel advice to help make your break more efficient. With resourceful planning, you can cram everyone else’s 10 days of break into the measly nine and a half that you get.
First up, there’s the question of what method of transportation you’ll be using. There’s always the option of flying. But I can’t say that I recommend that option.
I’ve done a fair bit of flying over the past month or so, and the one thing every flight has in common is that I am always sitting next to the ornery 1-year-old who insists on screaming for the entirety of the flight.
I may not think I’m going to be near the kid who didn’t take his antidepressants that morning. I may sit in the very back of the plane, buffered by five or six rows of people who are distinctly not screaming children. But a flight attendant will invariably approach and say to me, “Sir, federal regulation requires you to be sitting next to the lady up there holding the small child. I’m going to need you to relocate to seat 19A.”
So on that note, I’d like to endorse driving as the preferred method of spring break travel. True, it takes longer, but there’s something about a good road trip that’s absolutely exhilarating. I love the feeling of sailing down the interstate at roughly the speed limit (maybe two or three miles over if I’m feeling rebellious), blasting the musical stylings of Ke$ &mdash err, I mean, Led Zeppelin &mdash and maintaining a generally good mood until I realize I’ve been driving in the wrong direction to get to Destin, Fla.
Unrelated, another advantage of driving is that it’s a lot easier to say, “Screw it, we’re going to Little Rock,” and make an impromptu revision to all your plans.
Of course, that’s assuming you have plans. One more piece of advice I’d give you is to not have any plans. They only make your vacation worse.
Now, this may seem counterintuitive, particularly to those of you who remember my saying the complete opposite of that a few paragraphs ago. But hear me out.
Vacations involving no prior planning are pretty much always the most exciting, especially if you just drive until you have no idea where you are. This gives you several great opportunities to interact with the locals and experience your unknown location firsthand.
For instance, try pulling up to a random stranger on the sidewalk with your windows down. As your stereo blares, “Err’body gettin’ crunk, crunk,” the stranger will notice your presence and hopefully make eye contact. This is your opportunity to address him or her.
Try saying, “Hey douchebag, how come this city sucks so much?”
Trust me, the stranger will think this is hilarious. Then you can ask for directions or inquire about local attractions. Just make sure to come across a smug, self-entitled jerk. The locals always love that.
If you play your cards right, you can, in a single conversation, find out everything you would have known had you planned your trip up front. And you’ll have a lot more fun doing it. Not to mention, you’ll probably also make a lifelong friend.
So that’s all you need to know to have a great spring break, once your break actually starts. In the meantime, have fun in class. I’ll be in Orlando, Fla., if you need me. Or somewhere thereabouts.
McNeill Williford is a senior majoring in industrial engineering. He can be contacted at [email protected].