Whenever I mention my intrigue-turned-appreciation-turned-adoration of “Sex and the City” to any male or skeptical female, the response is the same-rolling eyes and a look of disappointment as if to say, “You too? That’s a shame.”
Apparently, if I’m going to say that I like “Sex and the City,” I might as well say that I’m a shallow, materialistic whore. Or a sappy girly girl. Both seem equally detestable. To like the show is to be automatically stigmatized. Before I got hooked, I was one of those condescending naysayers myself, so as a former naysayer, I feel the need to both publicly apologize and justify my fairly newfound love.
“Sex and the City,” for those unfamiliar, is a comedy about four girlfriends and their sometimes fabulous, sometimes-not Manhattan lives. The women have virtually nothing in common, and it’s never actually explained how they meet, but somehow they make sense together. They have their own separate storylines career and relationship-wise, but the women come together once or twice an episode to discuss, vent and seek help or motivation-a basic girlfriend support group.
As Big says of Carrie to her friends, “You girls are the loves of her life; a guy is lucky to come in fourth.” Did I say it wasn’t drenched in estrogen? Maybe sometimes.
Though they couldn’t be more different, the four women-bold and fearless Samantha, opinionated and cynical Miranda, impulsive and clever Carrie and conservative and ever-optimistic Charlotte-can relate to every girl who sits down to watch the show.
The women are respectable in many ways. They are courageous but not soft-skinned, unafraid but not unable to be bruised or broken. In those respects, they are the women that girls today should strive to be. They are fearless as they pursue what they want in their careers. They have moments that show that even the strongest can be vulnerable and even the vulnerable can stand up for themselves. They are also admirable in that they make mistakes, but they don’t cry and whine.
The biggest misconception about the show is of the substance of the show itself. No, they don’t just talk about shoes and sex, believe it or not. They deal with other issues such as religious conflicts within a marriage, being a single parent, competition with the younger generation, career politics and more.
The absolute best thing about the show is its abandonment of a rose-colored approach to love. It doesn’t cater to girl’s romantic fancies in the way that a Julia Roberts movie does, where the conflict and heartbreak are taken with a spoonful of sugar because you know, of course, that she’s going to end up with the guy.
It caters to a girl in the way that no other show does. It shows four women whose conflicts and heartbreaks don’t end with cheesy resolves and mountaintop weddings to Richard Gere, but rather shows women coping realistically with their relationship problems. They aren’t always graceful, and they don’t always do the right thing, but because of this, we believe them. Granted, breaking up with Mikhail Baryshnikov in Paris isn’t exactly realistic, but when Carrie tells him that the all-consuming love she’s looking for isn’t with him after all, she could be any girl telling any guy that it’s just not working.
Another anti-“Sex” remark I’ve heard is that it’s a shame that after fighting for respect in the workplace and the world, women are taking a step back in watching a show that’s all about sex and shoes. Quite to the contrary, it’s not a step back; it’s a celebration of femininity, individuality and how far women have come. The characters all have high-powered, highly desirable jobs in which they are indispensable and they know it. Miranda is a lawyer, Carrie a columnist, Charlotte an art dealer at a gallery and Samantha a public relations exec. Their unabashed independence and confidence in themselves is topped only by the respect they have for each other. It’s truly an empowering show. Sorry, guys.
The subject of their morality is one frowned upon by most parents, but I’m going to say this about it, and then duck and cover-what could be seen as rampant sex could also be seen as merely another outlet for expressing power and independence. Not that I condone how little importance is sometimes attached to sexual acts on the show, but I do believe that, as single women in their mid-30s to mid-40s, they have no reason to be ashamed of their dating lives. They aren’t just running around having sex with guys, ahem, willy-nilly, but mostly they are on a genuine search for a mate, other times just a good time.
This is one way the show changes drastically between seasons one and six, the final season. At first the men they date on the show are far from normal, all having some quirk or flaw or fetish that makes them worth gossiping about over brunch with the girls the next morning. These taper off as the show moves into its third or fourth season. The characters become much more developed and the relationships more serious and longer-lasting. As the women, show and writing mature, so do their wardrobes, thankfully.
After fighting my preconceived judgments of the show for quite some time, and then the subsequent denial, I have come to admit and defend “Sex and the City” as one of the best TV shows I’ve seen. It went places no show ever went before and that no show can ever go again with the same effect. The four women we came to laugh, cry and love with are not flawless but fantastic examples of successful, beautiful and, most importantly, fabulous women.