Valentine’s Day is upon us. Despite the hype and bruhaha over the holiday, love is not necessarily in the air, nor are small, naked cherubs. Instead, the air is filled with expensive scents, commercials telling us the most expensive gifts are the best and expectations that today is somehow more romantic than any other day.
It’s not. In reality, Valentine’s Day is a racket. According to CNN, the average American spends $97 for chocolates, roses and the like for a total of almost $14 billion. Companies depend on this income-not a bad thing in itself-and foster a materialism that almost contradicts the ideals of love and romance the day is supposed to represent.
Instead of coming up with a creative idea to express our feelings, we are pounded into submission with commercials and other advertisements proclaiming the only true way to say “I love you” is with an expensive, store-bought gift. Thus, not shelling out the cash for whatever reason, being broke for instance, translates into “I don’t care about you at all.” If you truly care about someone, it seems, you will buy on credit. Valentine’s Day teaches us that love comes from diamonds, chocolate and candy.
The whole commercialization of gift giving, for Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays or anything else, demeans the very idea of expression through giving. Instead of a gift actually expressing the giver’s feelings, it is now merely a meaningless ritual contributing to the idea that material things can bring true happiness. No longer is the sweet nothing whispered along with the diamond necklace what makes it truly special-it’s the matching bracelet and earrings. The commercialization makes the gifts impersonal as well-the mass-produced and mass-retailed gifts could have come from anybody.
The overwhelming emphasis put on Valentine’s Day also destroys the spontaneity so potent in romantic expression. Since romance is expected on Valentine’s Day, it is easy to believe this day is sufficient to express one’s affection.
However, despite our socialization that Valentine’s Day must be honored and gifts exchanged, there’s always the feeling that the truest love is expressed spontaneously, without a designated day. It becomes a lose-lose situation: express your feelings on Valentine’s Day, and you meet a baseline expectation-if you buy a gift-but it feels somewhat blas‹¨. Failing to deposit flowers and chocolates, though, speaks more loudly than anything-“I don’t care.”
Not only does Valentine’s Day make love into something made of candy and rings, it leaves out those without a love interest, suggesting that somehow they do not deserve gifts or happiness because they are not “in love.” Romantic, erotic love is so emphasized that it almost seems wrong not to have “that special somebody.” Backlash to this feeling results in almost an “anti-Valentine’s day” celebrated through bitter depression.
Also, platonic love-true love extending beyond our notions of sexuality-is almost completely neglected. Friends don’t get friends valentines, and many families don’t celebrate the holiday, either. For all of the candy, cards and jewelry inscribed with the word “love,” little is seen of it outside of the erotic kind.
While it is unlikely to happen, Valentine’s Day should be de-emphasized. For couples, celebrating love and romance should be a year round event punctuated by the “little moments” and the “big moments” that are worth remembering, not planned for one day and intertwined with expectations of expensive gifts.
Chocolates, flowers and even jewelry are often excellent methods of expressing our feelings, but they can be given any time during the year. Furthermore, when they’re not given on Valentine’s Day, they seem to mean more for at least two reasons. First, spontaneous giving does not seem like it is done out of duty or expectation. Second, they have a certain “I’m thinking of you” feel to them because without the constant bombardment we see around Valentine’s day, getting someone a gift requires actually thinking about them.
Also, we should remember-not pity-our friends if they lack dates for today. They are neither handicapped-no one needs a lover to make them whole-nor worse off, because to have true friends is to be loved. While having a special someone is a wonderful experience, romantic, erotic love is merely the shallow surface of the emotional ocean that encompasses love, friendship and devotion. There is no reason our friends cannot be our valentines as well.
If you have something planned for today, by all means go through with it. But if you have no plans, then don’t feel pressured to fit in with the Valentine’s Day crowd. If you don’t get a gift, don’t sweat it. Valentine’s Day is just another day, for both living and loving, like any other day.