Are you tired of being ridiculed for what you wear? Maybe you should take this quiz to find out your real fashion level.
This quiz is like pouring a glass of milk in a stress-free environment. I have assigned points to certain things people wear, and all you have to do is add your points up. Instant magic!
Ready to find out how cool you are? Then leap into the fashionmobile and hit the gas pedal with conviction.
Sleeveless shirts
Ah, the season of spring: flowers, chirping birds, steady illiteracy rates, love and … armpits. When you get down to it, no reason can justify sleeveless shirts.
If someone can’t see your muscles through your sleeves, you’re lazy. Obviously, you don’t know anything about working out.
If you believe your arms are pretty, they’re not. All arms are ugly, according to a recent study conducted by God.
If you believe you’re too hot, you should be in air-conditioned areas at all times. I feel really sorry for you.
The evidence is clear. You need to wear sleeves or allow me to shave your armpits with a brick.
Men who wear sleeveless shirts: -25 points.
Women who wear sleeveless shirts: -15 points.
Sunglasses
I understand why people wear glasses. Wizards in medieval times wore glasses, and check out their lightning spells.
But sunglasses? This is goofy stuff. Advertisers and the corporate swine-who bathe in maggots, puke and lamb’s blood-have tricked you into thinking these dark lens protect you from the sun.
Protect you from what? Yesterday I walked outside and stared directly into the sun for two hours, and nothing happened. You little babies.
The worst sunglasses are the big ones. I see girls wearing this horrible merchandising scam proudly. I wish they would buy rulers and measure their eyewear so they could know how to describe their immense coolness with inches.
Anyone who wears sunglasses: -80 points.
Women who wear big sunglasses that could block the sun from Mercury: -275 points.
Visors
One day a businessman did something kind of stupid. He cut the tops out of baseball caps and wanted to sell them to the public. I wonder who feels below average now, though.
Anything that can be traced to the game of golf is automatically vulgar. By the way, if you like playing golf, pat yourself on the back for being exciting and intellectual.
Wearing a visor also hurts the middle class, encourages racism and pollutes the environment.
Anyone who wears a visor: -150 points.
Anyone who wears a visor and plays golf: -367 points.
Pink shirts
Sorry, no one believes you’re confident, competent or interesting. And I’m leaving women and older men out of this just for fun.
College-age men-“boys” is more like it-who wear pink shirts: -95 points.
Shirts with foreign language
Stop being pretentious. Maybe you should accept Jesus into your hearts.
Anyone who wears shirts with foreign language: -35 points.
Anyone who wears shirts with foreign language because of group affiliation: 450 … I mean, -450 points.
Pants
Shame on you. Haven’t you ever looked at art? The human body is a beautiful object to behold. This item shows that our culture is going downhill at 232 mph without brake fluid.
Anyone who wears pants: -65 points.
It’s time to add your points up. I hope you enjoyed taking this test. As you can tell, I am a suitable motivator and a builder of self-esteem. Just remember, if you feel good about something you wear, more than likely you’re wrong.