Just a few weeks out of winter, and Hollywood is already promoting the summer movie lineup. “Mission Impossible 3,” “Pirates of the Caribbean 2” and “X-Men 3.”
Apparently originality has fled the hills of Beverly. But if the trend is going to be to rehash and redo all of these films, then I’m sure there are a few movies ideas Tinsel Town has forgotten … until now.
Kill Bill 3
Bill is dead, but now the real fun begins. New, more improved criminals and backstabbers emerge. This time she’s going to hurt Kurt, slice Bryce and kick Nick. Oh the bloodshed, the bruises, the plot twists!
Gone With the Wind
MGM and Clark Gable really messed the first one up. But once Hollywood’s top writers and casting directors took over, this remake is sure to make Scarlet O’Hara a household name. Starring Lindsay Lohan as Scarlet and Ryan Seacrest as Rhett, this story will be set in one of America’s most romantic times-high school. It’s more identifiable to the real public anyway. A quote to remember … “As Noxema is my witness, I’ll never be oily again!”
The Matrix 4
This time Neo has to look into his inner self and overcome his fear of public speaking. The Matrix was never as potent an enemy as Neo’s social disorders. In the latest “Matrix” franchise a new goal will be set-don’t lose the audience with mindless jabber. This time “The Matrix” is back … and coherent.
In just the time it takes to let each actor mug for a shot in the opening credits, the movie would be over. The Oscars would eat it up, too, because if you throw a lot of big names in a movie, no one cares if the plot is missing.
Dustin Barnes is a graduate student in French. He can be contacted at [email protected].