Everyone can relate to our campus parking and traffic crisis, but before you move on to the sports section, I have a new twist on the traffic problems. We should be thankful for our parking dilemma! Yes, that’s right-thankful! As I was driving through the lot behind the student health center while the rest of my class was enjoying the first 15 minutes of lecture, I decided that my daily ranting and hypertension would not get me to class any sooner. In a moment of inspiration, I decided to look on the bright side: our parking experiences are almost as fun as a vacation. Seriously! Who needs Disney World when you have the gravel pit of thrills and chills behind McComas? Whee! To maximize the roller coaster-like experience of the “MSU Maze” (an official name for our favorite attraction), drive a coupe and hit every pothole, and that shouldn’t be too hard, since the lot is quilted with these indentions. Make sure to fasten your seat belt so you won’t incur a concussion from bouncing into the ceiling as you conquer the terrain. On your journey, marvel at the lovely “Grand Canyon II” between Rice Hall and day student/staff parking. Then, after a rainstorm, visit Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes, as the potholes become miniature bodies of water. az
We can’t have a vacation without spending money, can we? In honor of this point, you must be willing to pay for your campus holiday. If you are concerned about our current campus budget situation and are too lazy… um… tired, to hike from Dorman Hall, just park in a staff-only zone and then smile with pride as you pay your $20 “day student out-of-zone” ticket. Contrary to popular belief, the money won’t go directly to our athletic programs. Your generous gift from your vacation budget will benefit the general fund instead. Your contribution may even feed a village of starving fellow students!
Let’s not forget beautiful scenery. Eckie’s Pond, the lovely Joe Frank Sanderson Center, historic downtown Starkville, Columbus-we students can enjoy all these sights as we walk to class. Top that, Ole Miss! Even better than a vacation, we’ll return without those annoying five pounds from sampling extravagant food. Becoming svelte while enjoying vacation sounds great, doesn’t it? MSU students will be more apt to experience the “Freshman Minus Fifteen” as we incinerate the free pizza we obtained at the latest departmental meeting.
Vacation and parking share yet another common theme: missing class. Flying to Rhode Island for your cousin’s fourth wedding would lend a reasonable excuse for an absence. Unfortunately, most of us are forced to pass up class as we combust the entire weight of a triceratops in fossil fuel cruising for parking. Don’t try to use parking as justification for your tardiness to class, though; your professors are probably still cranky from having to hike five miles to the building themselves. Students are not the only ones suffering.
Best of all, parking on campus builds character. While your trip to Mount Rushmore might educate you and stir strains of patriotism, you will learn nothing of patience, consideration or defensive driving. So stop complaining and smile. Perhaps you’ll become so inspired that you can give us pointers for coping with Malfunction Junction.