Jed Pressgrove is a graduate student in sociology. He can be contacted at [email protected]. The news on the street is that a new year – titled “2008” – came into being on the first of this month. This news sounded off in my eardrums only hours ago, so like any respectable reporter and feisty trendsetter would do, I composed a list of four resolutions for the new year, the new blueprint for your life, because I have taken it upon myself to dole out commands like Moses in the desert.
Resolution #1: Take up your proper mantle.
You are the nation. Of Bulldogs. You like flowers. You go to all sports games. You accept leadership as it is selected. You also strongly believe in the principle of payment before treading on the middle ground of the cafeteria. Even for only coffee or a chat among friends. Decisions are made, announced – you accept them. “The People’s University” is still protected under the First Amendment, but let’s do our best to avoid the phrase just as salmon evade the paws and mandibles of hungry bears.
Resolution #2: Become a leader and do it.
Leadership flows from character. Character ensues from the transformation of your righteous actions. The evaluation of your actions rests in the hands of selected superiors. These superiors once performed numerous righteous actions that transformed them into character-bearing people which then led to leadership. Hence your orders: Lead like your superiors have led.
Resolution #3: Seek, lock on, destroy.
Your goals are much like enemies. They wait in undeclared battlefields ready to assail your intentions, you falter among the blasted rubble and they cloak themselves after your eyes first record their appearances. The first step to achieving goals – or defeating enemies – is seeking the target. Spot the enemy. Are you in position? Lock on. On my command, fire away … … … fire! Boom, target destroyed, goals accomplished.
Resolution #4: Be professional.
We all have standards for you to meet. We don’t enjoy your attempt to be funny with those clothes. Wear what our leaders wear. Choose your words carefully. Recognize the conflict between truth and good appearances and pick the latter most of the time. Looking the part or knowing the part. Instead of encouraging the latter we accept and propagate the former. We feel this is the most efficient way to allay any grinding of gears.
Finally, a note of caution. Perhaps a time will come in 2008 when you ignore these resolutions. You might forget about them. Something will start to feel wrong. Inner bedlam. That’s why our leaders are here. Meet them, look them in the eye and you tell them, “I want to know how to do right, and I think you have the light.”
They do have the light, and they will show you.