Robert Scribner is a senior majoring in marketing. He can be contacted at [email protected]. Football. That’s what the kids are wanting to talk about these days. They want to talk about Super Bowls. They want to talk about the Tim Bradys and the Elijah Mannings of the world.
They want to talk about yard lines and field goal posts and what have you. So you know what? Let’s go ahead and do this. Let’s talk, and let’s make it for real, damnit.
It seems like only last January when I wrote my first Super Bowl article. Stephen Hawking says that time is relative because it flies faster when you are having fun, so I will assume that to be the case here. I am no scientist, like Tom Cruise, so I’ll leave the explaining to those more qualified than I.
I can remember that article vividly. I was young and haughty then. I didn’t think that research was necessary. I judged the teams by arbitrary criteria, and I chose the Colts by 173 points.
I don’t remember whether that happened or not, but that is beside the point. The point is I know my stuff now. Football is my life, and my life is good.
So, let’s talk about the actual game and, more importantly, the team that you, the average MSU student, should be rooting for.
Based on a formal poll that I conducted with a random, simple survey of one friend of mine, this game is a lose-lose situation for your average MSU student.
Here’s why. Firstly, the Patriots are too good at playing football games, which is not fair. Secondly, the Giants refuse to bench Eli Manning for being an Ole Miss alumnus, which is ignoble.
Thus, we find ourselves in an unflinching quandary, yet we must press forward in the article. My scientific opinion is that the average MSU student should pull for the Patriots. They are favored to win by 13.5 points, and no one really likes to be wrong when choosing sides (see Religion). So go for the favorite and perhaps attempt to coax a loyal Giants fan into a wager without the spread.
Let’s now talk about Super Bowl Sunday as a whole. Yes, it is a fun day, but you must be prepared. Procrastination will not pay off in this situation. This is not your schoolwork or your taxes that we’re speaking of, friends.
Before you know it, it’s the morning of Feb. 3, and you realize that last night you exhausted what was supposed to be your weekend 30-pack of Keystone Light.
You check under your bed for your emergency 12-pack, but then you sort of remember that you used that for beer pong at 4:30 in the morning. You panic and call one of your bros, only to find out that he shares your plight.
And then you weep, because you both know that Keystone Light is always smooth, except on Sundays in Starkville.
Now that I’ve got your attention, we need to cover one final aspect of this glorious event: the halftime show.
This year’s big performer is Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. And you can be sure that the 57-year-old Petty will be breaking the hearts of old women everywhere, because the man knows how to rock and also roll.
I’ve also read that Soulja Boy will be performing in one of the big events leading up to the Super Bowl. Though I am happy to see him finally getting some well-earned respect, I feel that it’s a travesty that he won’t be performing right there alongside Tom Petty.
In a truly perfect world, it would be Soulja Boy & The Heartbreakers performing in that half-time show.
My guess is that 57-year-old Tom Petty doesn’t know how to crank anything, which means that he ultimately lacks my respect.
The Super Bowl only comes approximately once per year, so stay focused until next Sunday.
With these things in mind, you can make this the best Super Bowl XLII ever.