Mourning death has always been an important process for those who remain. Web-based social networking, on the other hand, is a relative newcomer to this human experience, but people around the world and across campus are using sites like Facebook and Twitter to actively grieve and create ever accessible memorials of their loved ones.
JaNae’ Taylor, Student Counseling Services staff counselor, said using social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter can be more helpful than hurtful when used as a means of coping with the loss of someone.
“I think Facebook can be helpful,” she said. “Oftentimes, we want to connect with others during a difficult time. Social media is a way to feel an instant connection.”
Taylor said this method of grieving can also be a way to learn more about someone. When people use Facebook to grieve, they often post fond memories on the profile of the deceased or mention how the deceased might have touched their lives. In this way, other friends can see that the deceased person meant a great deal to others as well.
“For some people, if they lose someone (while in college) it might be their first big loss,” she said, adding that how people choose to grieve depends on what has happened to them and what is going on in their lives at that time.
Taylor also said when someone dies, Facebook can be a way of uniting groups of people together. When Nick Bell passed away, numerous individuals who did not know him personally changed their profile pictures to badges of his number. This act was a way of paying respect and remembering him.
“It’s hard for me to see a great number of people doing it to draw attention,” Taylor said. “It can be a show of solidarity (to honor someone’s memory).”
She said Student Counseling Services has a grief and loss group that meets in order to help individuals understand the grieving process and allow them to share their feelings with others who can sympathize.
Andrew Nelson, senior mechanical engineering major, said he would not write on the wall of a deceased person, but he understands people that do.
“I feel that if you don’t have a faith in God, it may help you to do something like that,” he said. “It seems a little weak-minded, I guess.”
Shelby King, junior music education major, said he thinks writing on the wall of a deceased friend is a foolish practice.
“I personally wouldn’t change my profile picture either because if they were a good friend, I would hate to be reminded of the loss every time I got on Facebook,” he said.
Amanda Anderson, senior international business and French major, said she also understands how people use Facebook as a tool to cope with a loss.
“To me, when people do that, it’s a way to say goodbye by writing on their wall one last time,” she said. “A memorial group is kind of like holding on to someone that’s gone. I think the groups make it harder to mourn someone.”
Merrileigh Rutherford, senior art and French major, said she views sending a private message to a deceased loved one as an appropriate way to grieve the loss. However, she said some users post messages as a way of drawing attention to themselves.
“Grieving is not a competition; missing someone is not a competition,” she said. “I think when you’ve lost someone you’re close to, you don’t showcase that to the world. Writing on someone’s wall is a lot about you and not about the person who died.”
Rutherford said she thinks using social networking to contact friends and share memories of the deceased is more understandable.
“I can see getting in touch with friends who are grieving the same loss as you are but not about showcasing your loss,” she said.