Taylor Swift is _______. Many people, expressing their diverse but unsurprisingly shallow opinions on this subject, have filled this blank space. I personally prefer “a talented, stunning, quirky, future wife of mine, given she changes her man-eating ways,” but I digress.  The undisputed answer is that Taylor Swift is business savvy. According to “Alternative Press Magazine,” Taylor Swift has applied for a trademark on several iconic phrases from her new album “1989.” Such phrases include “Party Like It’s 1989,” “This Sick Beat,” “Cause We Never Go Out Of Style,” “Could Show You Incredible Things,” and “Nice To Meet You. Where You Been?”

Wait, what? There are teardrops on my guitar, readers. Using the phrase “This Sick Beat” on your songs, clothing, jewelry, non-medicated toiletries, key chains, home décor — yes, T-Swizzle has applied for a trademark in all these areas — could land you a lawsuit. Now, it is important to note this is only a trademark application, according to the last update of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO), which means the Taylor Swift conglomerate is only asking the USPTO for this trademark.

But Taylor — my dearly beloved Taylor — T-Swizzle, the loveliest of lovelies: this is too much.  I was with you when you shook off the naysayers. Well, sort of. I was for you never, ever, ever, ever, ever getting back together with — uh — Jake?  I wholeheartedly supported your jump to pop music. I love 1980s synth pop. And yes, I do belong with you. But this, darling, is a bridge too far. I can hardly count how many times I’ve told my friends, “Hey, check out this sick beat,” or something similar. And now I can’t put that on my all-purpose carrying bag? Taylor, I knew you were trouble when you walked in.  

Words are for the people, love. You can’t just go and have the government take away our words. Well, maybe you can. But you shouldn’t. Words are our expression, our art and our way of expressing both the beauty and the sorrow. They aren’t yours, cause we never go out of style; I could show you incredible things, and yes, I will party like its 1989, like I did for the three months I was an embryo that year. Unless you’ll just say yes — to me. In which case, I rescind everything I just said. ‘Cause I’ve got a blank space, Taylor, and I’ll write your name.