Q: I’ve recently heard rumors that my boyfriend cheated on me a couple weeks ago at a party. Who should I ask to find out the truth? Or should I just ignore the gossip and not say anything?
A: Look at this whole situation optimistically-either he didn’t cheat on you and he’s still the great guy you met or he did and you have the pleasure of getting your revenge.
Since you keep hearing these rumors and people are constantly gossiping within earshot of you, chances are something happened and people think you should know.
If you overhear your girlfriends talking about your allegedly deceitful boyfriend, take it as a big red flag. They probably care about you but may be too afraid to talk to you directly fearing you might get angry and shoot the messenger. However, they want you to be aware of what’s being said and going on.
Confront your friends. Ask them to let you in on the conversation and listen to what they have to say. One thing to keep in mind is to not get offensive if you don’t hear what you want to about your boyfriend. Friends don’t make up hurtful information merely for their amusement.
Although your friends probably mean well, scout out other possible sources of information. This doesn’t mean you should ask your boyfriend and only your boyfriend about what happened that night. You should also avoid asking his best guy friends. Think of the friends he has who will back him up in the end even if he is at fault. Do you want lies or the truth? Rule out immature buddies of his and stick to the horse’s mouth if you want the latter.
If you care about knowing details, try to find out who was there the night he was accused of cheating on you. Stick to asking the right questions. Be vague at first until the people you ask start offering the in-depth information you crave.
Even if you decide to ignore all the gossip, it would probably be good to cool things down a little bit with your beau. See how he reacts, and don’t jump right back into things with him if he showers you with compliments and gifts. Wait around and see if anything new pops up regarding his nights out.
The good thing is that Starkville is an extremely small town. There’s bound to be some truth to something if you hear it 10 times over.
However, it could just be a bad nightmare.
A sign it’s a fluke is when you have volunteers walk up to you telling you that others are completely exaggerating what they saw.
If other people come up to you and tell you the gossip you’ve been hearing is greatly exaggerated, congratulations-you have just surpassed the “false gossip” test many college students unfortunately have to go through at some point with a significant other.
Sadly enough there are people out there that want to make you and your boyfriend’s lives a living hell.
If you end up believing him after you’ve sought out all emergency sources and no one has a direct defense for the guy, good luck with your relationship -you may need it with all the pity looks you’re going to receive when you’re seen with him.
Ultimately this is not something you should feel you need to die over. Granted you may lose a little beauty sleep, but so what? Maybe they were just ill rumors that spread like wildfire. Then you and your boyfriend are in the clear.
If his cruel heart led him to the deed of deceiving you, surely you can find time to regret it and have your vengeance. Eventually you will forget him and get on with life, boys and your fine self.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected].