Stress. I don’t know if it’s just a phase, or if it’s a lifestyle.
Some people experience more stress than others. That is a given. But do we have any control over this stress? Are we strong enough, as humans, to deal with stress, or to say, “No, I will not allow these things to affect my mood”?
I think I’m formulating new ideas about stress and health, and I don’t really have any science to back them up. Personal experience, sure, but even there, I’m somewhat short of being an expert.
Case in point: Life has been a huge, long, not completely positive (many times not at all) roller coaster for the past few years, and I want to know if that ever ends. I’m sure it will, to some point, when I figure out my life calling and find the love of my life, etc., but even then, am I guaranteed satisfaction?
Lately, I’ve been making an effort to retain a positive outlook even in the face of big decisions and confusing situations. One day, I’m soaring above the clouds, happy and feeling like myself. The next, for whatever reason, I’m at the bottom of the pile, sleeping too much and feeling shaky and confused. I know I don’t have a bipolar disorder , so what’s up? Is there a way to keep cool even when it hurts? Is the pain that you go through to become a healthy person just part of the process?
That last question is the one that confuses me. The idea of pain being an integral part of becoming healthy is not a new concept. How do you distinguish between productive and degenerative pain? How do you know when enough is enough? Is the road more traveled the better road, after all?
Right now, I could easily succumb to do the things expected of me by my family and friends. There are a lot of choices that I could make that would make my life a million times more simple. Yet I’m choosing to try to decide things for myself, and I can’t predict the outcome of anything.
This is terrifying. It isn’t just the idea of choosing not to conform to what is expected of me–it’s the idea that I don’t know if my choices are the right ones, and if they’ll get me where I need to be.
There’s room for some divine providence in there, and I believe that I’ll ultimately turn out OK–I hope–but is one path really better than another? I’m trying to figure out what I believe here–what I really believe, and what I really want to do. This is the most confused and stressed out I’ve ever been and yet I’m supposed to believe that this is worth it? No wonder so many people do what their parents did, or what their best friends did, ad infinitum.
Once again, I wish I’d studied fortune telling, and I wish that someone had found me when I was 14 and gave me a detailed outline of my life decisions. Of course, that would ruin any hopes of spontaneity and would ensure a modicum of boredom to every decision I made, but I really wish I had a list like that sometimes.
I don’t have a good way to end this. I don’t even know if I stated any opinions in this article, but I feel better knowing that I’m secure in my confusion … at least something is stable.
Joy Murphy is a senior English major.