Legislation is currently being considered in Nevada that would allow people over the age of 21 to possess up to three ounces of marijuana. While this may cause several people to contemplate packing up and moving to Nevada, several factors must be evaluated before marijuana can be legalized. First, consider the population explosion that would occur in Nevada. Practically everyone would want to move there, and where will they put them? What will become of the other 49 states?
At least part of it can be returned to the Native Americans, but what about the rest of United States? And what about the song, “America the Beautiful?” Instead of the line “amber waves of grain,” it will have to be revised to say “flowing fields of pot.”
Nevada’s current state motto, “All for our country,” will have to be changed to “Dude, did I say that out loud?” Imagine the log jam in Nevada’s court system with all those women wanting to change their names from Mary Jane to something less likely to elicit marriage proposals from a bunch of stoners.
Second, if marijuana is legalized, the snack food industry will never be able to meet the demand provided by that magnitude of the munchies. The hemp industry would also be devastated. Who would want hemp products when they could have the real thing? Amsterdam would also see a marked decrease in its tourism industry. Why fly to Holland when you can road trip to Reno?
The media would also be affected by legalization of pot. Citizens will no longer be interested in news and weather. Who wants Dan Rather killing their buzz? All cable channels would have to be converted to the “Cartoon Network” or the 24/7 “Pink Floyd’s The Wall” network. MTV would play nothing but the Grateful Dead and Phish.
Don’t forget the politicians. If everyone moves to Nevada, they’ll be leading the way. Imagine all these reformed hippies reverting back to their old ways and trying to run the country. If things are messed up now, imagine how it would be with Congress all smoked out. Dubya might start calling himself Doobie and giggling uncontrollably every time someone mentions Russian President Putin.
Additionally, there are those DARE police officers to think about. What will they do if pot is legalized? What will they paint on their cars? Whatever they choose, they should probably not take them to Nevada for the painting. It would really be hard to take a cop seriously when he is driving a tie-dyed car. Maybe they can become traffic patrol officers. After all, with that many potheads behind the wheel, someone will need to enforce the new speed limit of 10 mph.
People also worry that the free use of marijuana will make people do crazy things. Actually, people might think about doing crazy things, but they would forget to leave the house and actually go do them. The gambling industry is of greater concern. People will be too busy tripping on the flashing lights and twirling wheels to actually spend their money gambling.
Vegas magicians could lose out as well. Imagine the panic when some guy in a sequined suit starts pulling things out of a hat or turning handkerchiefs into birds. That is really not the kind of thing to do in front of a room full of paranoid pot smokers.
Of course, it would be a boom to the Nevada work force. If the United States ever had a need for the world’s biggest bong or a pyramid made out of beer cans, these people can be mobilized in no time. The makers of T-shirts and hats with the pot emblem displayed can move their operations to Nevada and rake in the money.
Nevada should think long and hard before legalizing marijuana. Not only will it have a statewide impact, but it will also affect the nation, possibly the entire world.
Margaret Odom is a junior communication major.