Since lists are all the rage in this paper lately, and I’m all about conformity, I figured I ought to throw my hat into the ring. This is my list of phrases that are overused and should be eliminated from everyday dialogue. Shift the paradigm. Why? What’s wrong with having a stationary paradigm?
People who are so juiced up to shift the paradigm are probably just chronically stupid and think that they can comprehend the paradigm better if they can just shift it. Besides, they could say “change the plan” or “alter the pattern” and convey the same idea.
Think outside the box. Umm, no. Don’t ever tell me what, when or where to think. Besides, why are these people so anxious to get out of the box? What’s wrong with the box? There are scary things outside the box, like people who shift paradigms while thinking outside the box. Sometimes it’s just more fun to stay in the box. Why do they want us outside the box? What are they going to do with or to it once we’re out of it? Come to think of it, what will they do with or to us? No thank you, I’ll keep myself and my thoughts safely in the box for now.
With attitude. Could somebody please tell me why everything has to have attitude? Potato chips, beef jerky, cars, shoes, news shows, video game systems, toys, computers all seem to have attitude. I have even seen coffee with attitude. Coffee with attitude? What on earth did Juan Valdez put in that particular batch? And how does one determine whether food has attitude?
Does it make snippy remarks to the chef? Does it paint anarchy symbols on its packaging? Does it refuse to be eaten? Doesn’t sound like something I’d want to eat.
Classic. This is a popular one in our retro-obsessed society. We have classic sports channels, where you can watch games played years ago. Where’s the drama in that? On the network and cable channels, there are no reruns anymore. Now we have “classic episodes.” No more oldies on the radio either-now there’s “classic rock.” There’s even a “VH1 Classic” channel that shows all the videos that were too terrible to get air time on MTV 20 years ago.
Our founding fathers. No one ever mentions our founding mothers. Did the founding fathers conceive of us all by themselves? I didn’t think that was biologically possible. It might work if we were an adopted nation. I mean, in some states it’s legal for two founding fathers to adopt, but conceiving is another matter entirely.
Homeland Security. What’s wrong with “Domestic?” Is it too highbrow a word for the Bush administration? Besides, “Homeland” just sounds a little too much like a cheesy mobile home dealership. I can hear it now. “Come on down to Home-Land! Where you pay no interest until January 2005! Free Lee Greenwood tickets with every purchase of a new or used double-wide! Come see us! Right next to the flea market on Highway 19! Look for the inflatable pink gorilla! Because you’ve got a friend at Home-Land.”
And finally, -isms. Terrorism, patriotism, liberalism, conservatism, feminism, racism, sexism, communism, neo-colonialism, age-ism, fundamentalism and that’s just the last 15 years. As any classic, paradigm-shifting, founding father who is outside the box and has an attitude about homeland security can see, there are far too many -isms.
Margaret Odom is a junior communication major.