Hitch
Columbia Pictures
Starring: Will Smith, Kevin James and Eva Mendes
The Verdict: Despite missteps, Smith’s performance and the overall entertainment factor make this one a keeper.
2 1/2 stars out of 5 stars
Hey there, fella. Do you live in New York City? Are you a zero with the ladies? Too shy to ask out the woman of your dreams? Too hurt in the past to believe you could ever land Mrs. Right? Too socially inept to make it through a big date without hyperventilating?
Then never fear, my friend, because the Date Doctor is here. Alex Hitchens lives only to serve your romantic needs, and please, call him “Hitch.” He’ll smooth out the rough edges of your nerdy persona (“You … is a very fluid concept”). He’ll teach you to walk and talk like a born swinger. He’ll inspire unshakeable confidence in even the meekest would-be Romeo (“Any man has what it takes to sweep any woman off her feet”). But after the third date, “you’re on your own.”
Taglines call Hitch the “Cure for the Common Man.” The movie “Hitch” is more the cure for an early spring box office in desperate need of a light, sunny date movie to fill seats and open tills. It’s a crowd-pleaser in the most traditional ways-broad-range funny enough to make anyone laugh out loud at least once, ooey-gooey sentimental enough to satisfy romance fans reeling from a recent batch of slash-and-run horror flicks like “Hide and Seek” and “Boogeyman.”
The plot of “Hitch” is simple stuff, but charming enough. Hitch (Will Smith in full-on movie star mode) takes on the case of a hopelessly klutzy accountant named Albert (Kevin James, on sabbatical from “King of Queens”) who secretly pines for šber-rich client Allegra Cole, and the frisky modern Cupid even finds time to set his personal sights on Sara (Eva Mendes), a foxy gossip columnist who’s up for playing Hitch move for move at his own romantic games. Can a Michelangelo like Hitch turn a dud like Albert into his Sistine Chapel while making a lasting love connection of his very own? Well, what do you think?
This is the sort of charismatic, free-wheeling role Will Smith was born to play. Smith’s a likeable presence, and he’s playing a very likeable guy. Hitch is cool, intelligent, polished and refined, but he’s also a bit of a goofball at heart; he has confidence to spare on the job, but he’s a lost puppy when it comes to more personal matters of the heart. Smith hits all of these notes and more with characteristic warmth and laser-sharp comedic timing. His outsize spirit envelops everything around him and makes it all seem better than it should.
One wishes that Smith had a better sparring partner in Mendes. The actress looks great and gives good sass, but her screen presence and range of emotion are far too limited to mask the fact that her characterization keeps hitting the same tired notes over and over again. She’s neither believable as a take-no-prisoners urbanite career gal nor as, in one character’s words, “a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist.” One wishes her union with Smith created more genuine sparks.
None of the film’s romantic couplings work, in fact, nearly as well as the pairing of Smith and James, who seem to have an absolute ball goofing off and looking foolish together. With Smith as befuddled mentor and James as his doughboy mensch protg, standard scenes of smooth Hitch teaching gawky Albert the basics of kissing and dancing actually elicit belly laughs. The set-ups are well-tested comedy clichs, but the male leads have a chemistry that makes the material fresh.
Also refreshing is this film’s sense of sweetness and fair play. Albert’s affections for Allegra are desperate but wholesome; he really cares about her. Indeed, Hitch, whose business is strictly referral in nature, only takes on clients who have honest potential for long-lasting love bonds with their target females. He’s a player with principles. Hitch doesn’t really tell his guys how to act or who to be once they’ve made their successful hook-ups; he merely “creates opportunities” for great girls to meet great guys they might otherwise overlook.
Therein lies one of “Hitch”‘s biggest flaws: everyone’s too darned nice too much of the time. Yes, the film’s moral is “hope over experience,” optimism over cynicism in all things romantic, but the message might have carried more weight if the characters of “Hitch” lived in a place and moral climate that more closely resembled the real world. Instead, we have the bubbly misadventures of the world’s most virtuous lovers as they romp through a completely non-threatening fairy tale Manhattan. The characters’ unflappable uprightness ensures that final-reel happiness is a foregone conclusion, and you can bet that, no matter what, the story’s going to end with a wholly extraneous outdoor dance party. ‘Cause falling in love just makes you wanna do the robot!
Despite some major missteps toward the end, “Hitch” is a very entertaining piece of Hollywood fluff. Director Andy Tennant (“Sweet Home Alabama”) knows how to keep this material rolling, and the pace is quick without becoming too wildly pitched. When “Hitch” is funny, it’s funny (try not to giggle when Hitch, inadvertently high on Benadryl, starts belting out Earth, Wind, and Fire), and it’s sweet both when it needs to be (Albert and Allegra fumble though a first kiss) and when it doesn’t (Hitch impresses a first date with a private tour of Ellis Island … sure).
There’s a fashion for the girls, Jet-skiing for the boys and Sam Cooke for just about everybody. There’s aw-shucks sap for the overt types, and there’s witty banter (“Begin each day as if it were on purpose”) for the literary set. The film’s even moderately sexy, in a non-threatening PG-13 kind of way, of course.
The bottom line, though, is there’s very little reason for the film’s existence. “Hitch” is a fling of a film, fulfilling only in the fleeting moment, an affair you’ll enjoy but not remember. It’s a blockbuster by intricate design, assembled with little passion or risk and processed for mass consumption by as many people as possible; even when it works, the seams show.
Even though “Hitch” doesn’t bring anything new to the table, un-phased audience members will likely eat up its derivative syrupy sweetness with a knife, fork and spoon and then gaily ask for seconds. This critic can’t entirely say he’s opposed to that.
Looking for a warm, fuzzy movie to cuddle up with on a brisk February night?
Searching for something fun, harmless and cheap to do on your next date? Look no further, young lovers. “Hitch” is here and open for business.