You know something I don’t like? Well, there are actually a lot of answers to that question. But you know something I don’t like today in particular?
Awkward situations. Situations like the times when you say goodbye to someone only to find out you’re both headed in the same direction; or the times when you think someone’s waving at you, except it turns out they were waving at someone behind you; or the times your mom prints several of your articles from The Reflector’s Web site and passes them around to the family at Christmas without consulting you first.
Let’s say, hypothetically, that I know you, but not very well. Let’s also say that both of us are about 50 feet apart on a sidewalk walking towards each other.
For at least 20 feet of that distance, I’m going to pretend I don’t see you. It’s nothing personal. I just don’t want to have to actually communicate with you for those 20 feet. If I were to make eye contact with you, I’d be forced to wave at you or give you an acknowledging nod, but either way, I’ve exhausted my options after only a couple of steps. From that point on, I’m left with no choice but to pretend I don’t see you, and that’s a lot harder to do after I just waved.
Or let’s say that you just asked me something like, “How’s it going?” Trust me; I know what you really mean. I’ll occasionally ask someone that question myself, and rarely do I ever care how anything is, in fact, going. If anyone I’m talking to uses more than three words to answer, the odds are I’m going to stop listening and start daydreaming about something else, like how much I regret asking.
And thus, no matter how things are actually going, I’m going to say, “Not bad” when asked. I could have just gotten hit by a car, discovered my wallet’s been stolen, contracted dysentery and sat through an episode of “Mind of Mencia;” I’ll still act as if things are great, because it’s that or get stuck in a conversation with someone who doesn’t especially want to hear about my problems. No matter how bad things are going, answering that question honestly will make them worse.
Despite all my evasive action against awkward situations, though, there are times when I simply can’t escape. This is especially true at certain times of the year, such as when Feb. 14 rolls around.
As everyone surely knows, this Sunday is Feb. 14, which happens to be the date of a major holiday: the Chinese New Year. This is basically the Chinese equivalent of Christmas in America. (Or, more accurately, it’s the Chinese equivalent of New Year’s Day in America. But they make a really big deal about celebrating it.)
So why does this bother me? Well, Chinese New Year is supposed to be celebrated with family. But my family doesn’t observe the Chinese New Year, because they are not, in fact, Chinese. For the same reason, I don’t really observe it either. That makes the whole process of celebrating it rather awkward.
Of course, Feb. 14 also marks an important holiday in the Western world: Read to Your Child Day. Once again, this puts me in an uncomfortable situation, because I have no children. So while everyone else is out reading to their kids, I’ll most likely be alone, studying for a quiz in my Logistics class, wondering what it would be like to read that textbook to my kids, if I had any. They probably wouldn’t like it very much. (Ungrateful brats.)
I can’t even celebrate Ferris Wheel Day, which also falls on Feb. 14, because there’s not a single Ferris wheel in Starkville. I mean, what kind of backwards hick-town are we if we don’t even have a Ferris wheel? Based on that, you’d think we’re still chiseling on stone tablets, or churning our own butter, or making LiveJournal posts about how much we hate chiseling stone tablets and churning butter. Starkville needs to get with the times and invest in a Ferris wheel, if only so I can properly celebrate Ferris Wheel Day.
In the end, Sunday is just proof that no matter how hard I try to avoid awkward situations, sometimes they are simply inevitable. I have no Chinese family, no kids and no Ferris wheel, so I’ll just have to resign myself to a day of being uncomfortable.
Still, if you ask me how things are going on Sunday, I’m going to say, “Not bad.” And maybe I’ll mean it. After all, in terms of awkwardness, things could be a lot worse.
Incidentally, May 7 of this year is No Pants Day. No Pants Day is my least favorite day of the year.
McNeill Williford is a senior majoring in industrial engineering. He can be contacted at [email protected].