“It all started with simple questions,” Yolanda Estes said about becoming an atheist.
For the then 13-year-old Estes, the summer had brought serious reflection about her life, more specifically her spiritual well being. Growing up in a staunch Christian household, Estes’ life was routinely filled with mission trips and Bible studies, but then those simple questions began to arise. Estes said it was the befriending of a sinner that made her hold serious reservations about her faith.
“I had a very close childhood friend who, according to the tenets of my church, would be destined for hell,” Estes said. “This troubled me and I reached the conclusion that if anyone was going to hell, people who simply didn’t accept the tenants of my church were not among them.”
Following such adolescent reflection, Estes came to the conclusion that would forever dictate her spiritual journey: there is no God.
Now an associate professor of religion and philosophy at MSU, Estes is not alone in her non-belief of a higher, omnipotent being. A 2008 survey conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life found 17 percent of Americans claims to be non-affiliated with any organized religion. Of that 17 percent, one in five claim to be atheist, meaning they hold the belief in the nonexistence of a God.
At MSU atheism may be less discussed but is very much present throughout campus. The university has its own Atheists, Agnostics, and Free Thinkers Student Association to which nearly 100 students or faculty belong.
AAFSA faculty adviser Patrick Lestrade said his atheist beliefs stem from his work as a scientist.
“The word ‘believe’ is very hard for a scientist to say because it is used in science in a totally different way,” Lestrade said. “When people say they believe in Christ they’re saying something they have no proof for. As a scientist I believe in things that are testable.”
Lestrade stands as an example of the high number of scientists who are of atheist thought. According to the National Academy of Sciences, almost 93 percent of its members don’t believe in an all-mighty power.
While atheism may not be discussed openly in many social circles at MSU, least understood is how one can even contemplate a life without God.
Both Estes and Lestrade grew up in religious households, with Lestrade going so far as to attend seminary in the Catholic Church. Lestrade said the decision to no longer acknowledge religion was one he will never forget.
“All of my life I had been trying to have my scientific side mesh with the supernatural illogical side and there was natural friction there,” he said. “After finally making that decision it was wonderful to have unshackled myself.”
Physics graduate student Shane Creel lived his childhood and much of his teenage years as a strict Southern Baptist. It was not until he enrolled at MSU that he began questioning the reasons he attended religious services and soon found many of his friends had similar questions. Upon deciding that a higher power had no place in his life, Creel said he told his family.
“My dad got angry and said he would have not sent me to college if he knew that I would become de-converted,” he said. “In their particular denomination they believe once saved always saved, so she [my mother] thinks I am still going to heaven.”
Creel said his family continued to treat him poorly at family reunions and holidays because of his new-found atheism. He said his family kept him away from his dying uncle in fear of Creel turning his uncle into an atheist.
“My family pretty much coordinated in such a way that they would not let me talk to him because they were not sure about his salvation,” Creel said. “I feel guilty about the fact that I did not try very hard to try to talk to him before he died. It has weighed heavily on me ever since because I felt like I was being dishonest.”
According to a study published in 2005, compared to much of the world, Americans are less likely to be atheist. Anywhere from 85 to 90 percent of the population believe in a supreme being. The study from England found in nations such as Sweden, Vietnam, Denmark and Japan, more than half of the population does not believe in God.
Lestrade said if the U.S. were more like these countries, it may find itself in an even better place.
“I don’t think it [the United States] would be any worse than it is now,” Lestrade said. “You can look at countries where there are higher percentages of atheism and in the countries I am thinking of they do have it better and things are more rational.”
Because so many in the U.S. are theist, meaning they believe in the existence of God, Estes, Lestrade and Creel live with constant reminders of living in a Christian nation: a national pledge with “under God,” the teaching of creationism in some schools and “In God we Trust” on the country’s currency. Estes said she believes the country should keep religion and government separate but will celebrate spiritual holidays such as Christmas, albeit with different intentions.
“I do not think religion should dictate our government or manage our citizenry; nor should they be taught as doctrines in schools,” she said. “I celebrate Christmas but as a time when we are to be particularly aware of promoting peace and brotherly love.”
Although Estes said many non-atheists question her morality and do not understand her way of living, she does appreciate their concern for her soul. Estes said her individual code of morals is much like those of Christians.
“By and large, my sense of ethics seems to mesh very nicely with the thoughts of informed, thoughtful, reflective Christians,” she said. “Several religious people come up to me and say ‘I am praying for you’ or “My heart breaks for you.’ Those who say things seem very sincere and genuine, and I appreciate their concern.”
Living in the Bible Belt for almost all of her life, Estes said she has not felt too ostracized for her beliefs, although her position as a professor shields her from a fair amount of criticism. Most of her family has come to terms with her religious beliefs and no longer think she is awaiting a disturbing afterlife.
Lestrade has not been as fortunate in others receiving his beliefs well. He said he has had students threaten him and even drop his class after hearing of his atheist opinions.
“I have had students tell me that ‘I am going to hell’ or “I should be careful because if I really love my family then I should do more to protect them because their God is a vengeful God,” he said. “These kids have been so brainwashed by their preachers and their parents that they can’t see outside of the blinders that they have on.”
One of the biggest fears for both Lestrade and Estes is students on campus who have similar beliefs are not being heard. Lestrade said students need to have an outlet such as AAFSA to build a community and realize that atheists are not alone. For Estes, she thinks the discussion of all religions is something that needs to continue in order for tolerance to develop.
“We have a long way to go in terms of open discussion about religious topics,” she said.
Lestrade said it is not only students who are fearful about making their non-theist approach to life publicly known, but faculty members constantly hide their religious beliefs to avoid reprimands from high-level MSU administrators. He said he knows of specific professors who conceal their affiliation with AAFSA in order to obtain tenure or continue their employment.
But for such atheists on campus, the tolerance to be socially accepted appears a long way off. A 2008 Gallup poll found 53 percent of Americans would not vote for a politician if he or she were of atheist belief. A fact Creel said that makes atheism different from other minorities.
“That research shows that we are really one of the only discriminated minorities left in this country,” he said. “People think just because I am an atheist then I have no morals and am an evil doer that wants to rape and pillage the land. We’re still good people and have good morals.”
Asked about how Christians can best understand his atheist beliefs, Creel said Christians are just as atheistic as he is.
“A Christian believes only in the Christian God and no others, when there are literally tens of thousands of gods out there,” he said. “A Christian is an atheist 99 percent of the time; the reason you’re an atheist for the other 99 percent of the gods is the same reason I am an atheist towards yours. As soon as you understand that, then you will know where I am coming from.”