Robert Scribner is a senior majoring in business. He can be contacted at [email protected].I don’t know about you, but I’ve been reading The Reflector lately. And though the quality of writing is impeccable as always, I have noticed a peculiar emphasis on one particular topic.
Just now, I’m realizing that even this exact article pertains to this topic. It’s that popular.
And being the conscientious and attentive writer that I consider myself to pretend to be, I felt that it was necessary to throw my hat into the ring.
What ring is this, you ask? The ring is the topic of Robert ‘Doc’ Foglesong. And my hat is a sombrero, because you can throw them easily, like a Frisbee.
Let me begin by saying that I like President Foglesong. I like him for several reasons.
The first is that we share the same name. Obviously, a respectable first name is crucial for a leader, and what name is more respectable to you than your own? Perhaps only Jesus.
Next, President Foglesong is a distance runner. That is another unique bond between us.
While out for a run, I will often cross paths with Doc. I toss him an affable thumbs-up, and he often tosses it right back, equally affably.
So for these reasons, I like him. But that isn’t to say that I don’t absolutely hate him. Let’s consider the hypothetical facts.
First, Doc’s face occasionally sports a beard. As innocuous as this seems, let’s look at what the high-level officials don’t want you to know.
By my exact estimations, Doc could be spending up to $500 per day on facial hair care products.
This is your tuition at work, people. Why is Doc so concerned with maintaining such a svelte beard when students are struggling?
Secondly, I can hardly even see those entrance signs that everybody is fussing about. They are just too small for my tastes. What we need are larger, more prominent signs that point out our current signs.
Perhaps the larger signs could just be flashing neon arrows, suspended in mid-air by giant fans to create the illusion of floating. Only then would we capture the recognition that we deserve.
Last and also least, Doc is raising our tuition so that he can go to college again for free. Under the guise of attempting to learn more about students and their opinions, Doc often interrupts classes to hold informal chat sessions.
What is really going on is that Doc is trying to encroach upon our learning so that he can absorb some of it for himself.
As we all know, learning in a classroom is divided equally among the students that are in that classroom. Imagine a pie chart divided 30 ways, for 30 students.
When Doc enters a class, that pie gets cut 31 ways. It’s like he’s putting you on a mandatory diet, except with knowledge instead of dessert.
In conclusion, Doc’s positives and negatives, as laid out above, balance pretty well. Though everything isn’t perfect right now, it surely is all part of a long-term plan. It’s more of a “time will tell” sort of thing. The actions that have been deemed outrageous today might not seem so bad tomorrow. We’ll see.