I was walking through the Drill Field Feb. 27, and I couldn’t help but notice a young man (not Michael Venyah) standing in the center yelling passionately about his religion. At first, I was a little bit annoyed by his tirade, but as I listened further, I gradually began to realize how true his words were. Eleven seconds later, I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. Now, I know that my story seems a little bit ridiculous. I agree. It should have taken way less than 11 seconds to convert.
But I’m a very slow learner, and I was lucky to have converted at all that day. Had it not been for that fervent, fabulous man and his loud, obnoxious wisdom, I might have never seen the light.
I mean, what better way to prove a point than by yelling about it to passers-by? If you can’t convince people to change religions by standing on a box and yelling, then you’re never going to get through to them. They’re just too closed-minded in that case. They’re beyond reason.
Actually, there is another way. In addition to yelling, remember to condemn as often as possible. People love to be told that they will be facing eternal punishment in the afterlife. In fact, that is how most arguments are eventually won. It’s no coincidence that most confrontations end peacefully when one party tells the other to go to hell.
There’s only one thing that bothers me about this esteemed orator and his noble cause. I wonder, what if he had been speaking (yelling) in favor of another religion? Had I been hanging out in Azerbaijan at that moment and a man had been screaming in my face about Mohammad, would I have immediately jumped onto that bandwagon? Well, of course.
What if the two had been yelling at me at the same time? What would I have done? How would I have chosen? The answer is simple: All things being equal, I would have chosen the louder of the two. And had it not been already, his would have become the correct religion. Don’t ask me how or why; God works in mysterious ways.
Luckily, I’ll never have to face such a dilemma. My ears are now closed permanently. This way, I can rest assured that I’ll be spending my afterlife within the gates of Heaven. And as long as I never listen again, I’ll never hear anything louder.