Now that Zita Magloire has moved on to bigger, better and more fun things, I have found myself to be the only remaining ambassador between the two most important entities on campus: The Reflector and the cross country team.
Thus, I feel that it is my responsibility to restore the sport of cross country to its previous glory. “When did this previous glory occur?” you might be asking. Well, that’s not important. What is important is the fact that cross country’s popularity is slipping.
In my own estimation, a mere 80 percent of MSU students are aware of my personal record for the 10,000-meter race. And when only four out of five students know that, you know something needs to change.
It’s hard to pinpoint a single reason for this rapid decline in recognition. It’s hard, but I have done it. The single reason for this decline can be traced to cross country’s drifting away from its core objectives. While the sport used to be about testing the limits of human endurance and fortitude, it is now too focused on exploiting its more extreme aspects to please its diminishing fan base. So, in an effort to heighten the awareness of those involved with or concerned about the sport, I would like to propose a few modifications.
First, cross country has simply gotten too violent. In better days, distance running was renowned as a perfect model for tranquility. These days, one can hardly finish a race without engaging in a blood-ridden fistfight. Unfortunately, the fans are not interested in bloodshed. The fans want to see athletes giving their all, not pulling makeshift weapons out of their shorts or spiked racing shoes (which also are frequently used as makeshift weapons). Considering the 26 deaths resulting from mid-race combat over the last year (once again, my own estimation, not at all scientific, researched or real), something must be done. Unlike problems in the Middle East, the solution to cross country’s predicament is not violence.
Second, cross country athletes need to take a little more pride in their racing attire. Shorts and tights with a 2-inch inseam? What is this, a fashion show? A strip club? As far as I know, it’s neither of those things.
Cross country shouldn’t be anyone’s runway and/or strip club pole thing. Spectators do not care to see all that unnecessary skin. Their interest is strictly on an athletic basis, and prancing around in your underpants simply causes the viewer to lose respect for the sport. I propose that all distance runners, male and female, wear basketball shorts in training and racing. And by basketball shorts, I mean the current version, not the ones from the 1970s.
Finally, cross country runners are too caught up in the misuse of drugs currently pervading all American sports. Unfortunately, for the fans of cross country, the drugs taken by runners are rarely performance enhancing. For unknown reasons, runners seem to have an affinity for street drugs (heroin, cocaine, marijuana, methylenedioxymethamphetamine, etc.)
When asked to explain his infatuation with “trippin’ on blow,” elite marathoner Thomas Davertonias responded, “I’m glad you’re taking this whole Reflector thing seriously, Robert.” Such blatant refusal to address the issue at hand only further reinforces my point. I don’t know the solution to this problem, so I propose that someone else get on that immediately.
As a runner and writer, I can only hope that issues such as these will be dealt with accordingly. It is unfortunate to see what was once a noble sport decline into rubbish on par with the likes of football, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, golf, etc. America is counting on its distance runners, and who wants to let America down? Not me. So let’s do this. Let’s do it for the troops.