It’s about time that someone recognizes one of the most diversified and prolific talents that this country has ever seen. It’s time for us to stop focusing on the negatives for once in our overly critical lives, as if our own problems and foibles don’t exist. The man that I’m referring to has accomplished more than this entire campus combined, and his glory will be heard.
Heisman trophy winner. NFL legend. Television and movie superstar. Not a murderer. Those heroic qualities represent only one man. One heroic, fantastic, beautiful man. Who might I be talking about? Well, I happen to call him The Juice.
But Orenthal James Simpson’s talents don’t stop there. As you have definitely heard by now, OJ has written a book entitled “If I Did It.” After a couple hours of research, I was finally able to figure out what the “It” in the title is referring to. “It”, in case you’re wondering, is a clever, yet subtle allusion to the abhorrent, violent, atrocious murder of his ex-wife and her friend.
In this book, the eloquent and esteemed OJ had pledged to include a meticulous, but definitely hypothetical account of how the murders would have transpired had he committed them. And of course, what good book is ever released without the accompaniment of a two-part interview on FOX? No good books is the answer to that question.
I know what you’re saying. You’re saying that you just absolutely cannot wait to obtain a copy. Well, here’s the tragic part of this story: on Monday, News Corp. cancelled the interviews and the release of OJ’s autobiography. Wait, I definitely didn’t mean to say autobiography. His fictional recount, rather.
Apparently, these events had sparked quite a controversy among a few of the country’s soi-disant “moralists.” These goody two shoes rebuke OJ’s supposed propagation of the egregious killings that the victim’s family was hoping would eventually just go away.
But what these sanctimonious and specious critics don’t realize is that OJ is trying to accomplish something that is much more important that all of those trivial details combined. OJ is pursuing the most inherent and quintessentially humane quality of all, and for that he should be applauded.
No, I’m not talking about the advancement of liberty through free speech. I’m not talking about the elevation of creativity through unrestricted art. I’m talking about OJ making lots and lots (and lots) of sweet cash. OJ was set to make so much money that it wouldn’t even have been funny, except to him and his publisher.
And for this, our endeared exemplar should be applauded. I mean, what is more important than making a lot money? Surely not respecting the perpetual grief of those close to the victims that you have vehemently denied murdering over the last twelve years. Definitely not upholding the slightest hint of ethical or empathic value in light of your already questionable past.
Fortunately, before the cancellation, much of America (the sensible parts) had been applauding OJ loud enough for him to really hear it. His book had already made Amazon’s top-20 bestseller list, a few weeks before its release. That is what I like to see, people. OJ deserves our money, because that is all he is after. Such single-mindedness and dedication should always be rewarded.
So maybe OJ’s book won’t be coming out soon, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t support him in other ways for attempting to profit off of murder. A kindly letter or a twenty-dollar bill in the mail, perhaps. Anything you can do to help OJ fight the good fight.