Dating-it’s something we all think about. After all, everyone tells us college is where most people meet their future mates.
So you come to college and begin the cycle: going on dates, getting boyfriends or girlfriends, breaking up, getting over it and starting all over again. You experience elation every time a relationship begins and pain each time one ends. The cycle begins to lose its fun and becomes depressing. Is it supposed to be like this? Is finding the person you will marry supposed to leave a trail of broken hearts and torn emotions? I am not willing to settle for that.
I know most readers are going to disagree with what I am about to say. You can roll your eyes and label me out-of-date or super conservative. That’s fine. But please at least read this. It might change your perspective on some things, if you really think about it.
This weekend, I read an intriguing article in The Commercial Appeal about an engaged couple who practiced old-fashioned Christian courtship. The two 23-year-olds were married March 4; on that day, they shared their first kiss.
Courtship, an alternative to dating, is a strict set of standards designed to move two people toward a marriage without emphasizing the physical aspect. It begins after the man approaches the woman’s father and asks permission to court his daughter. Both people understand the relationship’s intent is ultimately marriage, and either can call it off at anytime. Some of the standards say the couple must spend all their time in public or within hearing distance of family members. They cannot kiss until their wedding day.
Because of my background, I have been familiar with the idea of courtship for years. I used to be completely opposed to it. I thought it was utterly ridiculous. Not kiss the person you are dating? Is that possible? And spending all that time with the family-wow, that is so not for me. Dating appeared to be a much better option at the time.
Now, being older and a little wiser, I have to admit the basic idea of courtship is not entirely disagreeable. First of all, I do not agree with all the courtship standards. I believe spending one-on-one time is crucial to a relationship, and I see nothing wrong with kissing before your wedding day.
That being said, let’s look at the overall intention of courtship. Strip away the rules, and there is a purpose behind it: purity. Not just physical purity, although that is a part of it. Emotional purity. Guarding your heart and saving it for one person, as opposed to everyone you go on dates with.
I believe there is a better way to approach dating. After all, the intention of dating, at least for most, is to find the person that you will marry. It just takes one relationship, honestly.
The hook-up/break-up cycle of dating does not prepare you for a marriage commitment. It tears your heart up after a while. Do you want to give your future spouse a heart with big pieces missing? No! You want them to have the whole thing.
So what am I saying? Don’t date? No, I’m not saying that at all. Basically, I want you to guard your heart. Go on dates. Have fun. But be careful with your emotions. Practice purity. I know that’s a laughable concept to some. However, it can be done.
Set standards for yourself, and stick to them. You will be glad you did it one day. These are some of mine: I will not enter a serious relationship with anyone that I would not consider marrying. I will not say “I love you” until I am sure that is the man I want to marry. I will not have sex until after I am married. These are just a few ways that I am guarding my heart.
Our society pressures us not to have standards-to give away our hearts flippantly. Do not give in to this. You are worth waiting for.