Robert Scribner is a senior majoring in marketing. He can be contacted at [email protected]. In deciding what to write my article on this week, I found myself overflowing with options. Should I finally reveal my treatise on resolving world hunger, which I’ve been holding out on for years? Should I go ahead and explain the origins of the universe, which is actually a very funny story, although you had to be there to get it? Should I simply type the word “pizza” 500 times in a row?
The respective answers to those questions are no, no and maybe next time. There is only one topic that I can devote myself to today. The time for this article is now and now alone, because we may never again get the chance. This article is about Snoop Dogg in Starkville.
I saw Snoop Dogg on Tuesday. I saw him in person. And this may be pure sacrilege, but I’m pretty sure that he is God. If he’s not God, then he has got to be one of those false idols that God is always going on about. Either way, his performance was divine.
Like God, Snoop has several magical powers. For instance, he has the cultish ability to control the audience as if they are puppets. Who else can demand that 800 people stick their middle fingers in the air and wave them like they don’t give a [bleep], and it happens immediately? God and Snoop Dogg are the only two that come to mind here.
Snoop also loves to be praised. When Snoop is on stage, he often beckons for you to call out his name in exaltation. It’s as if he can’t remember his own name, because he’s always asking you what it is. But you don’t question it, just like you wouldn’t question God. The crowd just answers in unison, middle-fingers held high. Snoop D-O-Double-G, we sing with joyous adulation.
The religion of Snoop Dogg, although radical and unorthodox, is one of power. I woke up Wednesday morning with a slight loss of hearing, and my ears were ringing. Some may say this is resultant of loud music being blasted into my ears for hours on end. I wonder, though, if this is more indicative of Snoop’s paranormal powers. Now that I have heard the word of Snoop, will my mind ever be open to anything else? Not if my hearing doesn’t improve. To be honest, I’m not sure if I want it to improve. What is more ethereal than “Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ indo, sippin’ on gin and juice”?
It’s truly a wonder that we got this beautiful man to come to Starkville, deity or not. We need more acts like this coming through. That’s not to say that I don’t like Sister Hazel and the like (I don’t), but they lack the star power of a Snoop Doggy Dogg. Most everyone can appreciate Snoop Dogg, because he is an American icon. His act transcends genre. It transcends a lot of things, perhaps more things than we will ever know for sure. I guess that’s why they call it faith.