Let’s face it, we all know the problems of Mississippi State. I know that we are all proud of our university. We love it. That’s why we decided to attend this school in the first place, although a few scholarships down the road didn’t hurt to push us in this direction.
But we are intelligent adults. We know problems when we see them. And, as far as complaining, most of us can consider ourselves experts, even as professionals who get paid by the article.
Maybe future generations won’t complain about some of the problems we have. After all, the university is improving every year. You can tell from the frequency of the orange cones placed haphazardly about campus, some of which have already been crushed by the errant driver or wild buffalo.
In fact, you can read the Campus Master Plan on the MSU Web site. This is a revisable plan to improve the campus.
It touts such goals as parking garages, limited vehicular access to the center of campus and the use of zoning to group not only buildings like residence halls but also similar academic programs.
Now, this is a great idea. But, of course, the future is unpredictable. Even though the world will probably not be entirely covered in water by the polar icecaps melting, we can still expect many changes in the future.
So what’s going to change in the future? Why, all we have to do is look at the science fiction shows around us. Scoff all you want, but compare your cool little flip-phone to Captain Kirk’s chic communicator. Then give in to the clich and say, “Beam me up, Scotty.”
After you do that, try to envision the future of Starkville as seen through the eyes of our culture’s greatest visionaries.
One of our biggest problems is getting to class on time while battling heavy traffic. The Master Plan includes a better road system and parking garages to solve many of our traffic quandaries.
This will not be a problem in the future. In fact, we can completely get rid of roads and parking lots. As anyone who watched The Jetsons knows, we will all have hovering cars that fold into neat little briefcases. Of course, the car companies will probably market huge gas-guzzling SUV models to college students.
Another problem is the condition of most of the older buildings. Fortunately, the nuclear holocaust that everyone in the ’50s and ’60s warned us about will take care of those. Among the things to survive will be the elevator in Lee Hall, which will still make you feel like it is going to break down any time. The band hall will survive, so the university will have yet another excuse not to build another one. The classrooms and snack room of Allen Hall will remain, but you still won’t be able get fruit juice from near the top of that one drink machine.
The main building that will survive the nuclear holocaust will be Suttle Hall, including all of the cockroaches. Following the example of old monster flicks, the cockroaches will grow to enormous proportions and intelligence from the radiation These new intelligent lifeforms will take over Starkville and move their headquarters to, you got it, the new alumni center.
Oh, and one more thing to complain about. There’s nothing to do in Starkville. Well, fear no more. The cockroaches, in the wake of the nuclear holocaust, will officially rename the town “Stark-vegas” and convert it into a huge metropolis and culture center. The entire face of Stark-vegas will change, and pretty soon the only recognizable features will be Rick’s and that broken-down warehouse with the “Beastie Boys” graffiti.
So there you have it. The future of MSU. Of course, this is not an exact measure of the future. But I think this is a fair approximation. Don’t let it get you down. The Master Plan is so great that I think the cockroaches will use it, too.
Angela Adair is a senior English major. She can be reached at [email protected].