Q: This summer I started a relationship with a co-worker. It started out as a summer fling. Well, the fling turned into the real thing, and now I’m in love. The only thing is, he’s driving me crazy at work. He tries to flirt with me and tries to kiss me and stuff at work, which makes me really uncomfortable. He’s always there, commenting on whatever I’m doing. I mean, he’s not being a jerk, but it’s the little things he does that makes me bonkers. I really love this guy, and short from quitting my job, which I also love, I don’t know what to do. Is there a polite way I can tell my man how I feel about the whole situation, without overreacting?
A: This is an issue for a lot of people. Most people, including yourself, ask “Should I date the hottie in the next cubicle?,” “Should I flirt with my significant other at work?” or “Should I check to see if my company has a co-worker dating policy?” All of these questions involve taking a big risk and proceeding with caution.
You have chosen the not-so-easy route, which has its ups and downs. At the beginning of the summer, you probably thought that dating your co-worker was going to be a lot like how you see it on TV. Now you know that it’s not at all like that. You now have this problem with your boyfriend and even though you may not know it, you probably have a lot of other concerns.
Be alert at work, from now on, making sure that your other co-workers aren’t talking about you behind your back. It may make you uncomfortable to know that you and your relationship is the topic of everyone’s gossip in the office.
Talking about you two may be one of their few venues for entertainment. The major person you have to worry about is your boss. A way to leave your boss out of this sticky situation is not to have a decline in your job performance. If this means setting some ground rules with your boyfriend, then so be it. You don’t want your boss to become the next Donald Trump and say, “You’re fired!”
Don’t let your problems discourage you from doing something that you might regret later. You shouldn’t quit the job you love much, without trying other alternatives.
If this guy really means a lot to you, then you can make this work. Tell him exactly how you feel. Don’t beat around the bush, because obviously he doesn’t have ESP. He definitely can’t change his ways at work if he doesn’t know how you feel. Tell him that you don’t like how he treats you at work. Tell him that you already have a boss and you definitely don’t need another. Does he treat you like this outside of work, too? If so, then you two really have a problem.
You should also tell him that work is not the time or place to be flirting openly in front of your other co-workers. Nothing makes your co-workers more jealous or insecure than to know that two employees have the “hots” for each other.
Develop a “dual relationship,” meaning that you should act one way at work together and another way outside of work. Tell your love interest that there is a time and place for everything, and work is definitely not the time and place to bat eyes at each other. If you two just can’t wait until 5:00 to talk or flirt with each other, do all of that during your lunch break.