Cupid’s arrow has persuaded me this week to offer not my usual opinion on Iraq or North Korea or the Legislature but a little advice for love-stricken Casanovas hoping to win hearts this Valentine’s Day. Without further ado, here are some last-minute suggestions guaranteed to sweep your sweetheart off her feet.
Saying the right thing can often mean the difference between spending a night of perfect romance with your honey and spending the night trying to convince her that you didn’t mean it like that. With such an emphasis on dialogue, it is especially important to pick your words wisely.
Shower your valentine with colorful, imaginative compliments. Similes and metaphors alike can speak volumes to the object of your affection. Phrases like these will express to her exactly how much she means to you:
* “Every minute without you, my fragrant daffodil, is an eternity of being torn limb from limb by hungry wolves.”
* “You are a plate of my favorite food after months of eating something I don’t like very much.”
* “Your skin is smooth, like the face of a mountain worn by thousands of years of erosion.”
Simply adding adverbs to the end of the often-uttered phrase “I love you” can be that special touch that will make her fall head over heels. Try “I love you madly,” “I love you fantastically” or “I love you astonishingly.”
Role-playing, suggested by so many counselors and manuals as a way to rejuvenate a fading relationship, works equally well as a way to spice up your Valentine’s Day. Utilization of costumes and props can make Valentine’s Day an exciting adventure.
Wear a ski mask, break into your valentine’s house and pretend to be a burglar. After her terror subsides, reveal your identity and that the only thing you’re interested in stealing is her heart.
When choosing a gift, think of what you can give her to let her know you’re something special. Don’t be like every other guy this Valentine’s Day and give her flowers. Instead choose a potted plant or a small tree. When you show up at her door with a flowering yucca or a bristlecone pine, she’ll never want to “leaf” you.
Your valentine probably has more rings and bracelets than she knows what to do with. Surprise her this Valentine’s Day with Burmese neck-stretching coils or gold tooth-caps.
Equally important in setting the mood is the location. A pasture picnic is a wonderful way to get away from the hustle and bustle of crowded restaurants. Nothing sets the mood better than an open landscape and fresh milk from the teat.
For those Don Juans on a budget, a soup kitchen provides a healthy, inexpensive alternative to $60 dinners and slow service. You and your date can get your fill of beef stew or chicken and dumplings and still have money left over to rent a movie or get ice cream.
These simple suggestions are sure to take your valentine’s breath away and guarantee you a lasting relationship. You can be sure I’ll employ each of them with my Nat this Valentine’s Day.
Josh Foreman is a junior communication major.