“I think we’re going to have to spend less time together.”
Those words uttered, your heart sinks, your stomach turns and you’re lost. Your mind races with questions, concerns and most predominately, utter confusion. You see the beginning of the end, and you’re instinctive reaction is to cling tighter, to hold on to what you have so you can’t lose it.
But doing so isn’t going to make anything better. You’ve just been presented with a decision; one that, unfortunately, has already been made. You’re going to have to live with it or lose everything, but before taking that step, make sure it’s worth it. You’ve just been presented with a major compromise in your relationship.
“Compromise” is a word that is uttered very little these days, from national events to our own relationships with others. In today’s absurdly selfish society, we tend to want whatever is going to make us happiest, rather than what could bring some degree of happiness to others as well as ourselves.
Everyone is guilty of selfish tendencies, but sometimes we have to be willing to practice selflessness when others are involved.
In relationships, the ability to compromise is immeasurably crucial. Without some compromise, it’s likely that one-half of the couple is going to be unhappy. More often than not, relationships without compromise will involve two unhappy partners. Of course, if you find that you’re making compromises on every decision that is made, you may want to reevaluate your relationship. Agreeing to disagree is a sign of a strong relationship, but having to constantly do so may be a sign that you and your partner aren’t meant to be.
Compromise can come in many forms. Sometimes you’ll have to compromise when deciding what to do on a Friday night or where to go on a summer vacation. Sometimes you’ll have to compromise time, especially if one of you has a more hectic schedule than the other. Occasionally, you might find that you have to compromise your short-term happiness in order to guarantee happiness in the long run.
Perhaps the most difficult aspect of a relationship to compromise is time. You have to compromise time with yourself when you try to balance school, jobs and friends; when you’re in a relationship, you’re often pressured to compromise even more of your time. You begin by spending more time with your significant other than you do with your friends and by putting off studying for a big test until you get home at night. Before long, you haven’t seen your friends in days, your grades are slipping and you start falling asleep on the job.
That’s when you realize that something, or perhaps someone, is taking up more time than it should be allotted. Relationships are important, but as a college student, you have to prioritize carefully. Once you’ve decided that you have to lessen the amount of time you’re spending with your sweetheart, you have to break the news to him/her. This is almost guaranteed to be a grueling process. He/She has been making time for you, but now you’re going to have to tell him/her that you think you should see less of each other. No matter how smoothly, carefully, or compassionately you say the words, your other half is going to immediately assume something is wrong, but have patience. It will be the responsibility of your partner to react maturely and attempt to understand. Everyone prioritizes differently. Some people put their relationships first; others will put their education and occupation first. It all depends on their capabilities to sanely maintain a busy schedule.
Making a compromise of time is never easy. Both parties will struggle with the decision and both are likely to suffer from the new schedule, but neither of you should misconstrue the point of the compromise.
When you do get to spend time together, you cannot cling to every moment as if it were the last. Doing so could result in putting additional pressure on your significant other, causing them to feel smothered by neediness.
Don’t waste the time you spend together by complaining about not getting to see one another enough. While you can’t hang on for dear life, you need to be mindful of the moments you do share. Enjoy them and hold on to those memories.
The one who suggests the time compromise has to be aware that he or she cannot use the decision as an excuse any time one is needed. You’re expected to spend some time together, even if you have to squeeze in a few extra moments every now and then.
You also have to remain honest with your partner. If you’re taking time away from your relationship for more important things, make sure those things have feasible importance. Canceling a date on a Friday night to stay home and watch TV for five hours isn’t always going to be acceptable.
When you make compromises, you have to realize that there is no logical way for everyone to be happy all of the time. If you are truly concerned about your relationship, then you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep it strong.
That means that sometimes you’ll have to give more than you’re getting or that you can’t always have things your way. Just know that sometimes you’re going to have to ask for something for yourself, and your partner will be required to give more than they may be getting at the time.
In the end, you’re both getting what you really want.
Michael Robert is a sophomore studying biological sciences. He can be contacted at [email protected].