The process of finding someone you are compatible with can often be difficult. Sometimes it is difficult because we are too picky; other times because we’re not picky enough. Whatever the reason, the process can be quite nerve-racking, especially when we try to make relationships happen.
The biggest problem in the pursuit of relationships arises from our own efforts. Instead of waiting to run across someone we find special, we go in search of someone and that search often leads us in the wrong direction. At first it may not seem like a good idea to let someone find you, because then it sounds like everyone is waiting around for someone.
When you are in constant pursuit of a lover, you’re likely to think of everyone you meet as a prospective partner, which leads you to enter every new platonic relationship expecting something more.
You are not thinking about the good of the friendship, or even building a strong friendship; instead, you’re hoping for a full-blown relationship, and you don’t want to do anything to ruin the chance. What you may not realize is that you’re only harming yourself.
A relationship that starts as a relationship is almost always doomed to fail. You have to work on a friendship first, and let the relationship follow.
If, as in some situations, the relationship does not blossom, then perhaps the two of you simply aren’t meant to be together. If that is the case, then at least you are not as susceptible to blame for the failure. If you pursue the relationship and it fails, then the failure can easily be blamed on your actions.
If you don’t allow friendships to grow into relationships, you are only setting yourself up for heartache. Getting quickly attached to someone and awaiting a relationship makes you feel as though you are already in a relationship.
When the relationship doesn’t happen, you feel as though the two of you have broken up, and the feelings on your side of the ordeal are much the same as they would be if you had dated your potential new partner. But instead of reaping the benefits of the relationship before the hurt came, you spent most of the time in painful anticipation and were hurt in the end as well.
Michael Robert is a sophomore studying mathematics. He can be contacted at [email protected].