Like everyone else in America, I have kept up with current events as never before. I listen to the news on the radio in my car, I read it in the newspapers, and I watch it on any available television. As a result of my newfound hunger for information, I’ve discovered that I don’t miss much of what’s going on in the world. One of the things that I haven’t missed is the increase in applicants reported by military recruiters nationwide. Call it patriotic zeal, but apparently, many young men and women are giving thought to joining our armed forces. I haven’t seen an article on whether the ROTC program has seen an increase in interest, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the case. I learned a few things during my time on active duty with the Army, and I would like to pass some of these along to anyone who might be thinking about serving their country in a similar manner. This advice is not limited to people considering military service. It should also prove useful to anyone associated with a person who used to be or is currently in the military.
Many new recruits face many challenges. You are probably thinking of the physical challenges and the stress, and these are difficult obstacles to overcome, but I’m referring to new soldiers’ biggest challenge-old soldiers.
Old soldiers have been in the military longer-maybe only a day or many years, but it makes no difference; they are infinitely wiser than you due to the vast experience that they have accumulated in that time.
If you are not in the military and have no intention of ever joining, you probably still know people that were in. Having lost the audience of people newer than they are, they turn to you to listen to their wild tales of guts and glory. Following is a short list to assist people new to the military and civilians who have military friends in interpreting the things that old soldiers (OS) say and what those things really mean.
– “I” means “we.” The OS had help doing whatever it is that he claims to have done alone, but there is no one to dispute his claim.
– “We”-The OS had no part whatsoever in what just occurred but would like some credit.
– “They”-Something bad has happened, and the OS wants no credit this time, despite the fact that it’s probably his fault. Note: “We” can also be used in this case if it’s obviously the OS’s fault, but he would like to spread the blame around evenly.
– “No sh-, there I was …”-Whatever follows next is a filthy lie. The OS was never there. In all likelihood, he has never been within a hundred miles of the place. He is, however, completely full of sh-.
– “That’s just a scratch.”-This is used by the OS to refer to a wound on anyone other than himself.
– “A gaping crater, gushing blood”-This is how the OS refers to the paper cut he got last week while checking out this month’s centerfold.
– “Back when it was hard”-Any space of time before your arrival.
– “You better suck it up and quit whining”-This is the advice the OS gives to others while some painful procedure is being performed on them.
– “I never made a sound”-It took half the platoon’s socks just to muffle the noise and four strong men to hold the OS down while the medic removed a splinter.
– “It was all quiet in my sector last night”-The OS fell asleep.
– “My patrol didn’t find anything”-Either the OS was lost the entire time or see above.
– “Why don’t you take the lead for awhile; you need some land navigation experience anyway”-The OS is lost. Anytime an OS suggests that you do something for the sake of experience, it generally means that the OS doesn’t have a clue as to how to go about doing it himself.
– “Beginner’s luck, you had an easy grader, etc.”-The explanation for why you did better at something than the OS.
– “Pneumonia, sprained ankle, stress fracture, etc.”-The explanation for why the OS did so poorly at something.
I hope the above terms and their real meanings have proved helpful to some of you out there. There are, of course, many others, but these should provide a basis for interpretation the next time you find yourself in conversation with an OS. Of course, none of this refers to me and my stories, all of which are completely true. In fact, let me tell you about this one time. No sh-, there I was …