Sean Armstrong is a senior majoring in communication. He can be contacted at [email protected]. The New York Giants will win the Super Bowl. More accurately, the Giants could win the Super Bowl. I mean, they might at least give the Patriots a scare. They almost beat them once, so why couldn’t they almost beat them again?
I’m willing to go on record and say that one of the above will happen. How could I be so bold? Because I still have faith in the system. The system, should the reader not be aware, holds that watching sports should be fun. To be fun, it has to be a good game, which in turn holds that the underdogs must offer a stern resistance.
This system has worked flawlessly for me, at least for football. Every game I’ve been willing to see to the end of has a stirring performance by the underdogs. Ironically, this bodes well for the Giants. Aside from this, there are a few more critical factors that guarantee victory. First but probably not foremost on this list is Giants punter Jeff Feagles. He will be the oldest man to ever play in a Super Bowl and is even older than the big game itself. In 20 seasons, Feagles never made it close to the Super Bowl.
If he is finally triumphant on Sunday, think of all the inspiring feature stories you could read on Monday. Alternatively, could anyone live with themselves having witnessed the final, crushing downfall of an old, tired and broken man? Also, the two oldest Patriots players are just 36. Taking into account the age differences, multiplying by the feel-good factor and carrying the two, my calculations have the Giants winning the Super Bowl by 12 or more touchdowns, at least.
Another factor to throw into my calculations is the gap-toothed and infectiously adorable Michael Strahan. The big man has done commercials for just about every edible product in existence, making him the most marketable consumer of food since Jared the Subway Guy. In fact, Strahan would eat Jared to claim his rightful throne, if only it weren’t for the six-foot gap between his incisors. Obviously, advertisers aren’t going to let this man lose in the most watched television event of the year.
And then there is Eli Manning. He is the biggest variable and the one most likely to unhinge my predictions. Yes, he played college ball for a certain School-That-Will-Not-Be-Named, but that was years ago. Thankfully, little Eli and his modesty-is-best media campaign have really made that step easier for me. While Mr. Brady is gallivanting around with Gisele and flashing his too handsome and entirely too cocky grin all around town, Eli just seems happy to be there by comparison.
As it stands in my mind, there is no reason the Giants will [badly] lose. It is heartwarming vs. heart chilling, farm boy vs. metropolitan playboy, Luke vs. Vader, David vs. Megalon. If anything can get the writers to stop striking, it will be a Giants win. And then we can go back to watching “The Office,” instead of caring about football.